I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to stay long with you. I’m sure your mum would’ve done everything she could to take care of you, but a mother could never fully take on the role of a father. If you had grown to like sports, we could’ve played ball or catch. We can even go see some games. Ah, has Emma introduced scooters to you? She loves scooters. I could’ve taught you how to drive or even let you borrow the car to pick up girls. I’m sure you picked up smoking from your mum, but you and I could’ve enjoyed some drinking sessions as well.
I imagined all the father and son things we could do as I held your small, sleeping form in my arms. I’d let you ride on my shoulders and teach you how to swim. I guess it was enough for me to hear you call me “Papa”. I even bragged to your mum about it. Of course, she’d argued that you’d say “Papa” first because I’m always around you and she’s not because of her work. It was enough that I saw you take your first crawl and most importantly, your first walk. You have quite a swagger even with your tiny, chubby baby legs.
I always ask your mum if I’m holding you right or if the formula’s mixed properly. She’d always assure me that I was doing just fine. My heart swelled when she told me that I was a good father. You should know that we each didn’t have a great relationship with our fathers, although in my case, it was somehow restored.
There’s a good chance that when you are reading this journal right now, my dad is still quite the busybody. I did ask him to watch over you and be the father figure in my place. Then again, a grandfather could never really be a father. He may not be the most affectionate person in the world but he’s really wise, especially when it comes to business. That would be really handy if you are interested in that line of work.
Ah, I wish I could take you to school. Your mum would fix you your lunch and I would drop you off to your classroom. I would make sure that you won’t be bullied. I know a few but very effective anti-bully techniques. Did Emma cry on all of your graduations? I know I would. I’m sure you’ve gone through a phase that all this studying and education are crap and useless but you can really go places with a loaded brain.
And of course, there are those girls and heartaches. The trick to that is finding the one. You can do away with a lot of emotional grievances if you find her right away.
You know, Liam, I can’t expect you to tell me that I’ve been a good father to you. You probably don’t even remember me. I gave Emma a long lecture on how she should raise you. I told her that she should spoil you and give you everything you want. Of course, she wasn’t completely sold out on the idea. I believe you grew up just fine even without me. I hope you’re a man who can stand on your own. I hope you’re not giving your mum any trouble. Would you kiss her for me please? I know you’ll miss her terribly when her time comes. I miss her too.
I love you very much, Liam. I’m so happy to have been your father.
