When The Willow Tree Broke

The Place Where I Belong

Dear diary,
Homework, homework, and more homework. That's all they ever give us these days. Has it ever occurred to teachers that too much homework does exist? I'm so stressed I've already cried three times in the past two days. Not to mention having to deal with them. Can't they just leave it alone? I get it. I honestly feel bad now. I don't know what they've been going through, but that doesn't excuse the fact for what they threatened to do to me. I should just leave. But where would I go? I just know it would be somewhere with actual seasons. Where the leaves actually change color and fall. Where it actually snows in the winter. That'd be nice.
Sincerely,
Willow Delfine.

Another clue that I have to take into consideration. I wonder if she even wants to be found at this point. Willow and I had never seen snow in our entire lives, but if she wanted snow she would have obviously gone up north. It's bothersome at this point. My parents still haven't learned that I've latched myself onto the case of my missing sister. I know that if I told them they would just force me to give it up. She was stressed and sad. It makes me wonder if she always felt this way or if it was just constant mood swings tugging her back and forth between happiness and pure agony.
   Willow was always one to be trapped in her thoughts. She figured expressing them would only make others feel unpleasant so she always kept quiet. Her problems were always minuscule compared to mine, or our parents', or her friends' seemingly constant issues. To see what she felt now has only made me realize that no one was paying close enough attention to ask how she was doing. She was lonely in those moments, and she always turned to nature to make herself feel at home again. There laid another clue in the layers of my sister's intricate thoughts and emotions.
   I had learned this through one distinct moment. A simple one that always made me smile. We were in hammocks in our backyard. It was a quiet and simple time for us. We swayed in those hammocks side by side, enjoying the sunlight in the crisp fall air. We heard a small crack and then suddenly the branch Willow's hammock was clipped to broke and fell with Willow inside of it. We both laughed hysterically for minutes on end before she tied the hammock back up with rope and on a much firmer branch.
   It was the first time that memory didn't make me smile. It only filled my head with thoughts of what it would have been like if she were never around to begin with. It made me sad to think I would so easily consider abandoning my sister's complex case when she needed me now more than ever. We fought, sure; but in the end she was always there for me when I needed her most. Of course I didn't realize that until she was out of my range of perception. My main goal was to figure out where my sister was, but there was always the lingering fear that she was never coming back even when I did find her.
Surprisingly enough school has been less of a bother. My friends still talk to me. Some don't but that's ok. I don't get why me having a missing sister is so deterring to some people. I guess they think that suddenly I'm being haunted. Maybe I am? At this point her diary feels like her spirit is latched onto it. Every word she has written is filled with such emotion. Today I spotted a little water mark on the page I was reading, and I had to wonder if that water mark was because she was clumsy, or because she was crying while writing on the page.
"Aspen, come down and eat before you get so skinny you really will look like an aspen." I rolled my eyes. My Dad's coping skills were very unique. He did his best to treat me as if nothing had happened, but I knew. I could hear him sob in moments where he thought he was alone. To hear my big and strong dad crumble up into a ball of sobs was nowhere near comforting. Still, I knew my Dad was doing his best to keep it together. He still went to work everyday. He still smiled at the dinner table.
I grabbed the mug I was drinking water out of and closed my sister's diary softly. Afterwards I bounced out of my room and walked down the stairs, and I couldn't help but look at the family photos. We all looked so happy. I still remember that day. Mom had been so mad because as she was doing Willow's hair she suggested to cut it. Willow was infuriated at the very thought of such a thing, and they argued for a solid ten minutes. I sat in the corner laughing until Dad walked in and yelled at me to get ready before tickling me. The saying ignorance is bliss was true in a sense. Had we known what would happen just a year after those photos were taken, I don't know if we would still be smiling.
"Aspen, come on dude I gotta go to work. I made you a sandwich if you want it. Mom is out getting groceries so you're in charge of the house until she gets back." Willow had always been in charge of the house. I wanted her to stay in charge. I wanted her to challenge me to a battle of makeshift table tennis. We only broke something once. The pretty glass pitcher shattered in to a million pieces. It was foreshadowing to show what would happen to my sister's very heart.
I walked down and saw a peanut butter and jelly sandwich waiting for me. "Dad?" I don't know why I said his name as if I were asking a question, but there was something on my mind that I felt I needed to know. "Hm?" Dad responded as he rustled through a drawer for his car keys. "Do you think Willow is still out there?" He froze. His face tightened up so quickly. He looked mad, but in reality I could tell he was holding back tears. "Son, can we wait to have this conversation until later?" No, I couldn't wait. If my parents didn't have faith that my sister was alive and out there then how on earth would I be able to find her if I couldn't go anywhere? You'll prove them wrong right Willow? You'll show everyone you're strong right? Because if you're gone for good, then I won't know what to do with myself.