My Crazy Years

Kuro. Part 6. To let go

For how long you ran, you couldn't tell. Your clothes were soaked, the short-sleeved pajama T-shirt glued to your skin, and the symbols completely gone, and the ink washed away by the falling rain. You couldn't even be sure if your eyes stung from the water drops, or the tears you couldn't hold in anymore. You were pretty deep into the forest and yet, you found no signs of Kuro anywhere. Despair began to seep its way to your heart, as your strength was leaving your body. Your lungs burned and you felt like you didn't have enough air, your muscles demanding rest. Exhausted and crying, you feel on your hands and knees, fighting to breath faster. You felt a scream try to escape your chest, but you had no power to shout.

Suddenly, no more rain showered you with its tears. You weren't alone anymore. The Jötunn was beside you, together with the people from that day, their eyes, dizzy from the alcohol, unaware of what was going on around them. In front of you, the sound of engine and cheers, maddening laughter that felt so empty. You knew what was happening even if your eyes was still staring at the mire beneath you, hands clenching into fists as you felt your body freezing in fear. You were angry. You were scared. You knew what was about to occur, what had to be done, but despite wishing to, your body refused to give in to your orders. You were staying there, cowering in fright, unable to move.

That was when you felt the Jötunn come closer to you, a cold hand touching your cheek and forcing you to look up, straight at him. For the first time, you saw the monster in all its glory. It was a tall, elk-like creature with plant matter growing on its grey skin. Its head was like a human torso with deer antlers for hands and at the base, there was another pair of hands and the same eyes you saw so far, glowing in the darkness. Those orbs... they expressed no ill intent, but a rather frightening happiness. He thought he won.

Moder couldn't be happier. He hadn't been wrong. This girl was far too frightened to fight back, unlike that man. She will bow to him and worship him, for was there other choice? Her pain was one of a kind, one he rarely stumbled upon. The fear of death which she experienced first-hand, the regret of not fighting back, the anger of being abandoned and left to fate's whims, all those were like a wonderful drink inviting him to drink it. Could he have asked for a better worshiper? Oh! He remembered. The first ones...they came to him on their own.

Suddenly, he felt the need to scream. W-Why? Why did he recall those days now of all times? Memories of the time he spend with the very first one, a child, rushed to his mind. Back then, for a long time, it was only the two of them and he didn't need to keep him there by force, by using his emotions and fear. No. He wanted to worship him, a son of Loki and maybe that was why the Jötunn liked to stay with him day after day. It was...nice. Those memories were quickly replaced by another and he saw it again. This girl holding onto the Scarlet One, like a child finding refuge in their parent's embrace, like the first one did so many times whenever he was scared. Moder...missed that.

He wanted true worship, true adoration. The sacrifices the young ones gave him were empty, devoid of feelings of any sort. They only wanted one thing of him. Immortality. But other than that? Were another to come and offer them the same thing, Moder had no doubt they would have abandoned him. The first ones were sincere in their adulation. That was what the Jötunn yearned for. Maybe even more. Faces of his family and the elders came back to him, and then, the bond between this girl and the Scarlet one, a connection he once had as well and only now, did he realize how much he longed for. The creature seemed deep in thought, paying you no mind. Whatever he was concerned about mattered not for you. After having gained control of your body, you glanced towards the wooden rack. It was empty, the motorcycle waiting for someone to lay there, to jump again, the driver feel the adrenaline course trough the veins. Then, you looked at the faces of those who were present. Some you recognized, some have bullied you or simply looked-away, but others were just bystanders having come to have a good time. They continued to laugh and dance, demanding another fool to take the risk. You swallowed a node in your throat, the fear demanding you to stay, but the anger screaming at you to take action. Slowly, you released your self from the Jötunn's grab. He flinched, sensing your hands around his arm and gently pushing it away. Still, he didn't oppose it. He quietly watching you get up and head towards the board, cheers and laughter exploding all around you. With shaking feet, you approached the board, every single instinct telling you to run, but the fate awaiting you wasn't one you were willing to accept. And there was Kuro. You had to get away, you had to run and find him, having wasted enough time here. You laid on the board, feeling your heart beat relentlessly, memories of last time rushing to your head, adrenaline pumping through your veins like crazy. You couldn't fall prey to fear, especially not now. You squeezed your eyes shut, hearing the engine roar and sound of wheels getting closer and closer. After a few seconds, you felt it, the air splitting in half above you, but there was no more pain, no more blood gushing out in a craze, and you fighting for dear life. No. You opened your eyes to the claps of whistles signifying the success of the act. You did it. You faced your fear and lived, a feeling of relief washing over you. Such a mere act, yet it meant so much. Of course, this was a mere illusion, the past had not changed. But even so, you felt the chains of that day finally break and disappear, allowing you to breath freely, the shadow following you around, one you tried so hard to ignore, gone at last. You got up and watched the ones around you, no more hatred brewing in your heart as you scanned each face. Not even Donovan's. What they did, abandoning you when you needed help the most, was still unforgivable, but it no longer bothered you. Forgive and forget, do not linger on a past you couldn't change. Move on. There was no reason for these regrets to darken the light of the days ahead. You finally looked to the Jötunn, who was standing still, like a perfect statue. His gaze expressed nothing, no remorse, no sorrow at loosing you, a potential worshiper, which honestly, quite surprised you. Little did you know, your amazement was nothing compared to his. She faced her fear, obtaining release from the shackles of dread and regret. She no longer was qualified to become one of his devotees. Strangely, Moder felt nothing at this, or at least, he didn't feel what he was expecting. Last time, when that man slipped through his fingers, he was enraged at the loss, but now he was somewhat...relieved. The Jötunn couldn't say exactly why, but suddenly, the idea of creating another cult didn't interest him at all. Rather, he didn't want one anymore. But isn't that what every deity wants? But his siblings, the snake and the wolf, didn't have any followers. But Loki said...?! To hell with what that darned old man! Moder's emotions and thoughts were a mess, rain beginning to fall upon his body as he was losing control of his spell. He needed to be alone. He turned around and left, leaving the girl all alone and to look for the owl, heading deep into the forest, to make order in his troubled mind. You watched the Jötunn leave, confused for a few seconds, before the cold shower brought you back to reality. You wasted enough time. You had to find Kuro and fast. You began to run again, your strength returned anew. The little information you had about the bird's home proved of little help. You knew it burned down, but looking after charred trees in that darkness was like searching for a needle in a hay stack. Every single one of them was had bark black as