T. H. T. D. D. W. T. M. K. E.

Chapter 31: Oh God, Oh Fuck

Heminth: "Get me out of here! We gotta move now!"

The ash and barren soil danced from the ground as the explosions and the thuds of falling corpses sounded off. Screams, gunfire, blasts of epic power, and roars of the Horrors flooded the battlefield. Elemental gods summoned their strength to simply defend themselves against the raging beasts. Some of the defenders were suddenly pulled underground to be taken by the endless waves of amphibians. The stronger beings were lucky enough to take out a few of the greater monstrosities before being tossed aside by an even greater one. This was a battle no one could win. How could an army fight for their cause if they could only fight for their own survival?

Heminth: "Larry, you ten-armed fuck! Do you want me dead?!"

Larry was a Decdal refugee who volunteered to march alongside the other defenders of the multiverse, struggling to lift the corpse of a monstrously-sized slug off a fellow soldier, Heminth the New God of Poison.

Larry: "Hold on, I'm trying!"
Heminth: "Push, goddammit! Push!"

Miraculously, the God of Poison slid out, panting heavily. The two wouldn't be able to catch their breath in the midst of the battle as an undead yeti landed before them. Larry fired ten submachine guns from the scattered holsters on his body as Heminth launched a jet of dark sludge at the reanimated ape, but this was to minimal effect. The yeti raised its arms, ready to smash the two into mulch. Then, the yeti imploded, disappearing without a trace into a small spatial pocket. Nogu stood in its wake.

Heminth: "We're being slaughtered! What do we do?!"
Nogu: "Regroup in the dunes with the others. We hold this position until we move forward or they'll tail us anyway."
Heminth: "But-"
Nogu: "Go to the dunes and hold this position! We break for the church after! Is that clear?!"
Larry: "W-when is after?"
Nogu: "When I say so. Now, fall in line and move!"

Larry and Heminth rushed toward the dunes, trying to avoid the beasts rather than take them on directly. Before Nogu could move, a colossal worm of death emerged from the ground, showing its gaping maw with rows of needle-like teeth. The elder god shook his head and snapped his fingers, not even sparing a glance as the worm exploded into a bloody mess behind him. It was no obstacle. The most ancient things, globs of flesh with innumerable eyes and a mess of tentacles, surrounded him soon after. Nogu scoffed and summoned his ethereal blade, gripping it tightly with malice.

Nogu: "Come on!"

Miles away from the epicenter of the battle, El Hero de la Paz was surrounded by dinosaurs of igneous stone and beasts composed of fungi as they marched ever closer. The Hispanic strongman had no issue killing each monster with a single strike, but their sheer numbers were something he never had to handle. El Hero continuously defended the paralyzed veteran. Captain General Keys pushed his back to the boulder as cold sweat soaked his robes, gripped by fear. Hyperventilation came on as he felt all of his muscles tightening and contracting to their fullest. Keys found it impossible to breathe as the roars of the beasts grew louder. The old veteran jumped and clawed at himself in shock as he heard a massive footstep land on the ground. Fortunately, it was not that of some gargantuan monster but an ally.

Two Ants: "What's going on?!"
El Hero: "I think Mr. Keys is paralyzed by the grip of fear!"
Two Ants: "Hold on!"

By this point, Two Ants increased his size to stand over a hundred feet tall thought this wasn't without the added strain. The giant fought alongside the absolute unit with considerable potency, sending stone dinosaurs and fungal beasts alike into the air with front kicks and powerful jabs. El Hero de la Paz began putting more force into his attacks in the effort to defend his friend. Two Ants was surprised to see the strongman's punches create shockwaves and distort space without any notable additional effort, taking down hundreds of the beasts with every strike. El Hero even ripped the head and neck off of a volcanic Argentinosaurus, swinging it around like a flail of solid, igneous stone.

Two Ants was suddenly attacked by an enlarged Tyrannosaurus Rex, yelling in pain as its jaws clamped onto his shoulder from behind. The giant struck the dinosaur's nose and dislodged its teeth. Before Two Ants could retaliate, the carnivore unleashed a blast of magma from its mouth as it was knocked to the ground. Two Ants quickly shrunk down to his normal size as he was forced to retreat to the boulder. The polymath's suit was heavily damaged. Smoke emanated from the core as molten rock began to melt through.

Two Ants: "Fuck, my suit's down!"
El Hero: "How long do you need, doctor?!"
Two Ants: "Ten minutes?! Maybe?"

El Hero de la Paz was alone, forced to actually try for once. The absolute unit inhaled deeply, supplying his powerful muscles with oxygen. His six-pack abs evolved into an eight-pack. His chest puffed up to double its size. His latissimus dorsi spread as wide as a pair of angel's wings. The man's biceps, triceps, and forearms expanded to the size of country hams. Two Ants had never seen such an absolute unit.

El Hero: "I am here, the world's symbol of freedom!"

The absolute unit punched the ground with astounding force, creating a massive shockwave that tore through the ground and the encroaching beasts. The earth exploded from the awesome impact of the fist as new chasms swallowed those who weren't turned to a bloody mess by the shockwave. The impact could be felt through the entire planet as it vibrated from the wake of his strike. The igneous dinosaurs were wholly obliterated, reduced to piles of smoldering ash, but the fungal men were more resilient than expected.

El Hero de la Paz wiped the sweat off his forehead as he prepared for battle as beasts akin to the Oversized Mushroom began to put themselves back together. Webbed hands and feet emerged from the ground, revealing a division of the amphibious army to replace the fallen dinosaurs. El Hero would remain unharmed due to his physical invulnerability, but Two Ants and Captain General Keys didn't possess such invincibility by any means. He would have to work to defend them.

Cabs was in the midst of the battle, preparing himself as a pack of hairless dire wolves charged toward him. The rabid dogs surrounded him as they growled and barked at the bear, but he roared back in response. Two of the wolves lunged toward Cabs, their jaws unhinged. The bear swung his fist at one, shattering the dog's skull, and gripped the other by the neck till he felt a deadly crunch. Three more dived toward the towering bear with untamed ferocity. Two of them bit and shook at Cabs's pants, revealing the white metal of his prosthetic leg through the torn fabric. As the third latched onto Cabs's back, its claws digging into his skin, the leader of the pack leaped forth with the intent of ripping the bear's throat out. The bear caught the wolf midair and effectively tore the animal in half. Soon, he reached behind and slammed the beta onto the two others by his legs. Like a bloodthirsty animal, Cabs slammed his fist onto one of the dogs, flattening its body and crushing its insides. He grabbed the last two by their necks, fatally slamming them together. The bear wiped the blood from his face and let out a deep exhale. He wished it didn't have to be this way. Perhaps, in a different life, these beasts could have been good doggos.

Cabs's ear twitched as he heard the whistle of an arrow flying through the air. The bear quickly formed a shield of electricity, standing his ground as the arrow exploded with the force of a condensed supernova. He swept away the smoke as he laid his eyes on a fully-armored Vaar and the Stag with his bow in hand. He felt his heart grow heavy. Cabs was forced to confront them as they would wreak further havoc to the diminishing defenders of the multiverse.

Cabs: "Come on, Bantu, not like this..."

Nogu planted his blade in the dirt. He had destroyed the ancient terrors quickly and totally. To him, these monsters were nothing but insects and despite this, the situation seemed bleak. The elder god looked around as he saw his brothers and sisters being slaughtered by the Horrors. Those recruited or volunteering fared just the same, if not worse. Their strength faltered and their numbers were diminishing. Even if Nogu were to snap his fingers and reduce all of Goobert's forces to ashes, what would stop the snake from simply undoing it? What stopped the snake from simply blinking those who opposed him out of existence? Nogu contemplated if Two Ants' theory of Goobert's lack of ability being the reason. Perhaps he just wanted to play with his food before eating it. Nogu looked down at the ground in disillusionment as he dragged his hands down his face. It seemed truly hopeless. This was a fool's senseless deed, a fool's errand, a death march. The elder god felt a small hand rest against his armored thigh and the fire inside him that almost died began to breathe again.

Stongdor: "Don't worry, uncle Nogu. We got this."