PROMPT i'm not going to leave you. you're never going to have to suffer by yourself again, i promise.
WORDCOUNT 874
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A LIGHT FLASHES before my eyes. A high pitched scream makes my ears ring. A familiar scent of sandalwood and dark chocolate fills my nose. A taste of his lips on mine invades my mouth. His last touch is still lingering on my skin, even after all these years.
I told Marc, that I was going to the mall with some friends, but I lied.
The stones below my feet create a pattern, that I can't quite see, but I knew it is there. My feet dance carefully over the slippery stones, which are wet from the rain, that fell earlier in the morning.
Did Marc really believe my lie? It's Sunday. The mall isn't even open on Sundays. Does he know where I am, what I'm doing?
The gravestones are lined up like dominos, ready to be knocked over, yet they don't. They stand there like soldiers. Cold. The wind is cold on my skin, and I tuck the coat tighter around my fragile body.
Marc thinks I'm too skinny, that I haven't been eating enough. Maybe I haven't. Who knows.
The pebbles fly everywhere, when I slowly drag my feet along the ground beneath me. They make a familiar sound. There's not a soul to be seen, but it doesn't scare me, being alone. I find it comforting in a way. Finally I reach my destination.
Jacob Watkins
A beautiful soul
21.09.93-04.08.18
I can't believe it's been a year. A year since I lost the person, I loved the most. A year since I lost my dearest friend.
Marc doesn't ask questions, when I'm back home. All he does is greet me in his usual way. Maybe the hug is a bit longer than usual, maybe the kiss is more tender than usual. He looks deep into my eyes, as if to see, what I'm thinking. Or feeling. I know I'm supposed to say aloud my feelings, but it still feels so surreal.
When we lie in bed in the evening, he speaks. "You didn't go to the mall today. It was closed."
i don't know how to respond, and maybe it takes me a little longer than what's widely accepted to answer, but when I finally do answer, he has a tender look on his face. "I'm sorry I lied." I can't bring myself to say more. I can't bring myself to tell him, where I've actually been. What I've been doing.
"Please, tell me what's wrong." He sounds desperate. "I know something is bothering you. You've been distant lately."
All I can do is looking at him, at least until he speaks again.
"You're not cheating on me, right?"
Now I have to answer. "No, I could never." Silence fills the dark room again. I hear sirens in the distant, and brings me back.
"Babe, are you alright?" Marc sounds worried. "You're crying, baby." He wipes the tears away from my cheek.
"It's Jacob."
Marc's looking puzzled. He doesn't know, what I'm talking about. "Jacob?"
"I never told you about him."
"No?"
"I'm afraid you'll leave me. Every day, I'm afraid you'll end up like him. I'm afraid..." I can't finish the sentence. Maybe I don't even know what to finish it off with. What am I even afraid of? I'm afraid of losing him. I'm afraid of going through it all once again. I know it's selfish. So selfish.
"I'm not going to leave you." He says it with a reassuring voice, trying to calm me down, as the tears are still streaming down my face. I lick my lips and taste the salt. It reminds me of the ocean. It was his favourite place.
"You can't promise that. You can never promise that. He left. He left me. You're no different." I catch sight of the model of his bike on the shelf across the room.
"Oh." He knows what I'm looking at. I let him in, even though I didn't want to. I didn't want him to know. It's better if he doesn't know. "I'm not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise. I'm always here for you."
"How can you say that?" I'm yelling. "How can you say, that I won't suffer by myself again? How can you say that? What if you die? What if I have to go visit your gravestone at every anniversary? What will I do then?"
He doesn't say anything, just wraps his strong arms around me and holds me until I stop shaking. I don't know for how long we stay like that, limbs entangled in a cobweb. I could be seconds. It could be minutes. It could be hours. It could even be days.
Finally he speaks. "I can't promise you, that I won't die one day, but I can promise that it won't be worth anything, if I don't spend my life with you by my side."
I realise. Realise things, I've never realised before. He's right, he can't promise me anything, but he can try. He is going to try, and so am I.
