its always been you - choen

02

i squinted my eyes in confusing and followed after jaden into the bedroom.

"bro, what are you even taking about??" i asked. he ignored me and sat down on the bed, folding his arms.

"jaden, hello?" i said, louder.

"you just wouldn't understand ok? you're too oblivious to be able to notice these kinds of things so just leave it." he snapped, starting to get upset. my eyes widened and i stopped walking towards him.

'wait. he couldn't, there's no way, or does he?'
i thought. i slowly walked towards the bed and sat down beside him, trying to look him in the eye.

"jaden... do you actually like anthony?" i asked, unable to hold back my curiosity and confusion. he looked at me nervously and quickly looked back down at the floor.

"i don't know, maybe? yes?" jaden answered quietly, playing with the chain around his neck. i was shocked. i mean, i knew that a lot of us had bromances going on, but that was all they were, right? i would have never expected that jaden actually had real feelings for anthony. i decided to keep pressing.

"wait, seriously? i thought it was just a bromance between you guys, like a joke?" i asked. he looked up at me again and cocked his eyebrow.

"what, like you and noen? sure man." he asked sarcastically. i was confused. sure, me and noen had a bromance, but doesn't everyone? i could tell that i didn't really understand what he meant so i just ignored that comment and waited for him to say something else. he sighed and continued.

"i don't know chase, with anthony it feels different, like different from when im with you or anyone else. i feel a connection, and i don't miss him the same way as i miss everyone else from tour. he's special i guess." he finished. jaden didn't look like he was joking, i could tell he was serious about this, and i was surprised. had it been obvious that he liked him and i just didn't notice? whatever, that wasn't important.

"wow, i had no idea man."

"wait really?" he chuckled, "well that's kind of a relief, i thought i was being totally obvious. like whenever i was with anthony i caught myself staring, well i guess now i know that nobody really noticed the way that i feel cause that could have been awkward." i felt kinda bad. one of my best friends was falling for another on tour right in front of me and i didn't even notice. how long had this been going on? i had so many questions.

"so... are you like gay, or...?" i started, i didn't really know how to ask that but i wanted him to be honest with me.

"i've never really said it out loud before, but yeah, i think so. i've always denied it because i didn't want people to judge me but i have had crushes on guys a few times before, and it's not the same with girls. it's especially different with anthony." he said. i felt myself smile, i was glad that jaden could be honest with me.

"jaden, i would never judge you, and i don't think any of our friends would either." i said, patting him on the shoulder. he looked up at me and smiled.

"and don't even worry about the fans man, you know everybody ships janthony already." i continued, starting to laugh. he smiled, but a bit smaller this time and looked back down at the ground.

"yeah i know, which is great, except it doesn't even really matter." he said sadly.

"why not?" i asked. he sighed.

"because, anthony doesn't like me back, and i know he never will. haven't you seen his comment on that one girl hannah's instagram picture? he's straight, and he just thinks of me as a friend."

"yeah i saw his comment, but don't think about other people, think about you two. do you feel a connection with him, like not just one sided?" i asked, trying to keep him positive.

"honestly, yes. he just calls it a bromance like everyone else does, but when we are alone i feel something different than with everyone else and i can tell that he feels something too, but i feel like he just ignores it or doesn't realize that what we have is special. i just wish that he could see that we would be so great together." he leaned forward and put his head in his hands. i felt so bad seeing him like this, that must be such a shitty feeling, being best friends with someone but secretly wanting so badly to be more but they just don't notice. he sat up a bit and turned towards me, looking like he was going to ask me a question.

"chase," he began, "do you think i am just imagining it and we aren't really supposed to be more than friends, like we don't really have anything all that special?" he asked. i cocked my head to the side and looked confused so he tried to explain.

"like, what's it like with you and noen? cause if you guys are the same as us and just friends maybe im just imagining that we have a different kind of connection, you know?" he finished. i sat up straight, thinking about what he asked. i never really thought about that, like me and noens relationship. he was my best friend, and to be honest i did miss him a lot more than anyone else. i actually talked about that in a live video a few days before. somebody asked me if i missed noen, and i answered yes, i missed noen more than anybody else, and it was weird. thinking about it when jaden asked me that question, it was sort of weird. i missed noen way more than i had ever missed any of my friends from social media, i think even more than i had missed cynthia when we were apart during our relationship. i wasn't really sure why, and i never gave it much thought until that moment. when i first met noen on tour it was an immediate connection, like i just knew we'd get along and that i'd be spending all of my time on tour with him, and i was definitely right. we hung out every single day, almost all day, and i loved it. he was really chill, like we could have fun just by ourselves hanging out at the hotel, but he would also go out with me into the city wherever we were and just have fun. we also made great content together, and the fans loved it. some people even shipped us, actually a lot of people did, and we thought it was funny. it was fun to tease the fans like with the lady and the tramp joke with the string of candy in one of our tiktoks, and when we pretended to almost kiss with our slushies.
usually i wouldn't want to get that close to a guy, but i felt weirdly comfortable with noen, so filming those videos were always fun.

"chase..? helloooo?" jaden said loudly, waving his hand in front of my face. i must have gotten sidetracked, so i shook my head back and forth a bit and looked back at jaden.

"oh, sorry man. umm, well noen and i are best friends so i don't really know what to tell you, like i can't decide how you feel, you just need to go with your gut on this one." i answered, shrugging.

"hmm, okay then." he said, smirking slightly. i thought nothing of it and stood up, pulling jaden up by the arm.

"i love you bro, and i'm glad you could be honest with me. i hope everything works out for you and that you figure out how you feel." i said, hugging jaden.

"thanks man, i love you too." he said. we pulled away and i smiled at him again before walking out of the bedroom and into the living room. i saw my phone which i had left on the kitchen counter and turned it on. i saw a notification from a few minutes ago that said

'notnoen started a live video, watch it before it ends!'

i smiled widely at the screen and sat down on the couch, tapping the notification.

this is crap i'm sorry bye