When she's awake, when she's asleep

When she's asleep... sometimes

Sometimes and just sometimes, sleep is the only confort you, he or she has. It's almost always peaceful and quiet.

Like I said, this is just sometimes. For her the night only goes away for what a couple seconds? minutes? hours? She doesn't remember nor she wants to. It's stressful for her knowing, she's had enough of the world for today. Waking up before dawn, she has a headache, her mind just wouldn't shut the heck up. So sits in her bed bracing herself about what is to come her come this day. So she gets up, almost ready to face the world again. Key word: almost

Why is it so hard to fall asleep? Why doesn't her mind just be quiet for one night? The only thing she wanted at this was to just sleep for one full night. One night, that's all. Apparently not tonight.

Sleepless nights are eventually gonna be the death of her. There's so much going on right now from all different directions, homework, projects, college and whole other bunch of stuff. In conclusion a lot.

It's still dark and she's still lying on her bed, not bothering to check the time or get ready since her alarm hasn't rung yet. That's a relief for her, because even though she can't sleep, she can lie on her favorite place in the world. Her bed. The one and only place where the world doesn't watch her.

But she really wishes she can close her eyes again. one more time before her alarm goes off. Just once. She wishes everything would go away for the time being, every thought (bad or good), worry (bad or good), and everything going on in her span of life, all for a very peaceful sleep.

She wants to stay alive, not only in her dreams or lack there of, but when she's awake as well.

" 'Cause sometimes to stay alive you've got to kill your mind" - TØP

Sometimes and just sometimes that's the only thing she wants to do most days, but fear in the main factor why she doesn't. Sleepless nights are the price to pay for wanting that peace but not actually getting it. She's willing to work on it, we will work on it. It will take a lot of time and she is well aware of that, but she'll do it. This is for her, for a peaceful night of sleep full of zero worries and anxiety.