Little secrets

Chapter 1: no shame

Its starts innocently enough, or as innocent as browsing through a well known porn site can be. Which really, isn't innocent at all.

For all the things that bring Howard embarrassment and shame, this oddly enough is not one of them. Oh it used to, when he was young and curious and only 13. His mother's disparaging words would play over and over again in his head whenever he chanced a glance at his father's meager playboy collection.

"Horrible women, parading around like that for money, it's atrocious. They have no shame"

He never let her hateful words get to him, even though the thought of her finding him with even one picture was enough to make him panic to the point of tears. He never did a-mass a collection of his own, like some of the teenage boys did at school. He never saw the point really. At the time he had been more preoccupied with reading all those big dusty books in the library then passing around this month's centerfold. He was an intellectual, a boy -a man- of art and literature. Real literature, thank you very much, yes he knew there were articles in playboy.

But a man has needs, and if you aren't lucky enough to find a lovely young lady there's only so much you can do. It's most likely why the act of self love never worried him all that much. It was something that needed doing, a job, a habit by now.

So no, he wasn't embarrassed. Especially not now at the the age of...well never mind that. Point is, he wasn't embarrassed. Not of the act and certainly not while scrolling through countless videos on Pornhub. He rarely actually watched any. Most were to fake for him, to manufactured to aid him. Others, the "amateurs", while blessedly real were slightly on the disgusting side. It was hard to find a good medium. He wouldn't call himself a connoisseur, that would be ridiculous, but he had been browsing the site long enough to know what worked and what didn't work.

Another thing that never quite embarrassed him were the amount of gay men. If the video was good, he didn't discriminate. He hadn't been lying that night he told Vince he might go gay. It was impossible not to get swept up in a well made passionate sex scene. No matter the gender. He wasn't sure if HE could attempt the same acts as the muscular and often times tattooed young men did. But he appreciated their passion, and general attractiveness if nothing else.

On the other hand, the women. Usually long haired with fake breasts made him cringe. The realistic looking ones were better and oftentimes made him more curious than aroused. It made sense, being a self-confessed/outed virgin to be a little curious. An even though he knew he shouldn't take direction from porn videos he figured he had enough to go on if he ever did find a lovely lady all his own. An he was sure, given enough time that he would -eventually. He supposed one would consider him bisexual. That was the word Vince used, and he was sure it was the correct one, though he wasn't really sure what else would work. He enjoyed both the males and females on the site, that was enough for him.

So, yes it started innocently enough. He hadn't even been looking for anything particular to get off on. He was bored, it was a quiet night in the flat, and he was alone once again with his thoughts. His laptop was open on the soft cream colored duvet of his bed, there was a fresh cup of tea on his bedside table, and a jazz record played softly in the background. All in all it was the perfect night. No one would be home for at least another 24 hours. Naboo and Bollo, off again to some shaman retreat for the hundredth time. And Vince, on another weekend long party binge. Sure he missed the other man, more so now then usual with their relationship being as strained as it was. But he got by just fine, thank you very much sir.

He had found his way to the verified amateurs section of the site, and had subsequently managed to go back far enough that the videos were a few years old. Most of them were all the same, pretty big chested girls and their muscular hung boyfriends. Or it was all videos where the camera was pointed directly at the persons less than impressive genitals. He skipped most of them as he normally did until one in particular caught his eye.
                              
The video thumbnail depicted a skinny, half-naked, hairless body that was positioned on their knees directly in-front of the camera, everything below their chest on display. Almost blindingly pale against a black backdrop, they were beautiful whoever they were. They were undoubtedly male though, if the bulge in their neon pink pants were anything to go by. Thigh high fishnet stockings covered his legs where his hands rested in a traditional submissive pose.