Little secrets

Chapter 4: Basic Principals

The rest of the evening seemed like a blur to Howard as he went through the motions of preparing dinner, washing up, and tidying the flat. His thoughts constantly turned towards Vince and their conversation from that afternoon. Why did they always end up throwing more insults at each other then the friendly teasing that use to fill every discussion? Perhaps he was being distant and just a bit standoffish, but Vince was being just as bad. Avoiding Howard when ever he could, going through his things, and generally being a brat. So really, they were both at fault and truthfully Howard wanted to set things right but he didn't know what to say, just like always. So instead of doing the right thing he took the easy way out and returned to the internet, and PornHub.

He knew on some level that this couldn't be healthy. He already felt like a pervert for going as far as paying for it but it couldn't be helped, he was much to deep now. He felt like he was giving up on his sanity somehow, if he even had any to begin with. Growing up with Vince, and being put through the amount of mental torture as he had gone through it was impossible to think he had any sanity left.

Once the front room and kitchen were as clean as he could get them he retired to his room for the first time since he left it that morning. He paused when he entered and gazed at the small space. There were almost no indications that Vince had been in the space, none except for the lingering scent of hairspray and treachery. Walking over to his jazz collection he easily slipped the hidden laptop from the shelf and set it on his bed. Slipping off his shoes, he unbuttoned his cardigan and hung it over the back of his desk chair. Left in his trousers and roll-neck he got comfy on the bed and turned on the computer.   

Thankfully nothing seemed to have changed to his meticulously organized desktop. The last time Vince hacked into it he had rearranged all of the icons and downloaded about a dozen pictures of Gary Numan, Mick Jagger, and David Bowie each and then set those pictures to cycle through as his background picture. It had taken Howard a day and a half to figure out how to change it back. He was sure that if Vince had found and gotten into the computer he would've changed something, but he made sure that Vince would never figure out his password. So he felt safe enough to continue on with his evening.  

Opening the web browser he checked in on some other websites like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. He didn't have any messages, or notification. Which was just as well, it wasn't like he ever posted anything. He liked and made little comments on other people's posts but otherwise remained silent. In comparison, Vince took up most of his news feed and wall. Post after post. Filled with inane questions that the young man came up with on a daily basis. Questions he used to ask Howard once upon a time. There were events, fashion articles and ridiculous Buzzfeed clickbait quizzes as far as the eye could see.

There were a multitude of bright blurry pictures, filled with happy smiling faces. Howard couldn't make heads or tails out of them but the ones that he could he almost always found Vince. Drink in hand, arm around a girl or guy, looking for all the world like the happiest he had ever been. The pictures always made him equal parts sad and happy. Sad for the fact that Vince seemed to be pretty happy without him, like he didn't need Howard's friendship any longer.

When they were younger and smaller Vince had practically clung to Howard like a lifeline. He supposed it had been a by-product of being alone in the forest for so long and then coming to the city. As they got older Vince got better and better at being alone or on his own. But even at the zoo Vince stuck to him like glue. Now Howard barely saw the younger man for longer than 24 hours.

He was also happy when he looked at those photos because it meant that Vince was happy. Just because he wasn't like that with Howard anymore didn't mean anything. He pushed the thoughts aside before they could drown him in cold misery and closed Facebook.