• she was never seen as competition
• she grew up with five brothers and a single father
• park sooyoung was not a girl other girls would be jealous of or fear, after all she just: one of the boys
• but she is a girl and is experiencing her first cr...
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"Do you know what it's like to like someone so much you can't stand it and know that they'll never feel the same way?" —Jenny Han, To All The Boys I've Loved Before
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THERE is something about coming into a realization that completely—and utterly changes your world. You lived so long with beliefs and thoughts that never contradicted everything you knew, to only have those things expanded or questioned. We have these beliefs because we need something to stay grounded on. When we have those beliefs questioned, we begin to wonder if we really ever knew what it was like before or if we just tricked ourselves unto thinking—it didn't exist.
For a solid day I would avoid Sehun like the plague. It wasn't surprising to see him coming over like usual. The only surprising part was how my stomach would form into knots at the sight of him. My knees would buckle at his smile. And every time he would talk to me—treating me like before—I wanted his attention to never leave me. I had to leave my home. It was a Sunday and Chanyeol had decided it was a good idea to hold a band meeting, which meant Sehun was around.
I did not see him on Saturday, I had cleaning duty in which both Taeyong and Doyoung decided to help me in. I knew there was the second day for tryouts—so Sehun was somewhere in the school. I wouldn't have run into him regardless. After my duties and saying bye to Taeyong and Doyoung who went to cheer Jaehyun and Zelo on—I headed to the student council room. I spent the rest of the afternoon on my phone or asleep on the couch as I waited for Jinyoung to finish his meetings. Halfway through I was hungry and Namjoon had ordered some food—some specifically me. My stomach and I thanked him.
I hadn't wanted to go back home. No one would be there. Jimin was perfecting the dance routine, Chanyeol was doing who knows what to earn money, and Jisung was gone up to Seoul with Kai. The student council room had been my least boring and safest place. Considering I had gotten free food—I thought I had made the right decision. That evening was when Sehun stuck around, and I tried to be as normal as possible. I could feel myself get flustered. He was the same. It was all me, who over thought things.
