DPOV
Rose left the church, and me. She'd always had me on the verge of losing control, and likely always would. I knew I needed her, but I also knew I didn't deserve her, especially after Russia, then Vegas. How she could be so forgiving I would never be able to comprehend. How she could focus on me while being in a relationship with Adrian Ivashkov was mind boggling. She truly was beauty and purity incarnate (even though I held her innocence) and it was blinding to look at.
If I had thought it hurt to look at her before, I was sorely mistaken. Back at the Academy it hurt to look at her because of her her pure, radiant passion, dedication, sacrifice, love, and innocence. Now it hurt even more because of that and her forgiveness I didn't deserve, (the good and bad memories flashed through my mind's eye), her unwavering resolution and defensiveness of me (even to myself).
I knew she was the only place I'd truly find peace, understanding, love and salvation. She'd done it to me before, but I wasn't worthy, from her especially. I needed her, I needed that connection I had with her, and I wanted her. But she was with Adrian Ivashkov and it was wrong to take another man's woman. It was wrong to want another man's woman. It was wrong to hurt her, but it was also wrong to have her.
I walked out of the service completely bewildered. I was in a tighter bind and even more confused than ever before. The service had done nothing to help. Rose had altered my views of right-and-wrong when I met her. And again now. What used to be clear-cut, black-and-white, was now in sepia. Not greyscale, sepia.
The next question of the day was 'where to go?'. For now all over Court did.
"Dimitri!" Lissa called while running up to me. She had agitation and worry written all over her.
"Princess," I gently greeted although her distress was disconcerting. She only got this way when it had something to do with Rose.
"Where is she? Rose? Where is she?" her voice was frantic. I thought it had had to be about Rose. But, what was going on?
"Why? I would have thought she would be with you, or Adrian Ivashkov, or at work."
"I've looked everywhere." Uh oh. "She's nowhere to be found. Adrian hasn't seen or heard from her. And she hasn't called in for work." Oh, that was a bad sign. Now I was starting to worry, as in 'completely freak' worry.
"The gym? The wards?" She could be running and doing a perimeter check, her and her sense of duty. Or taking her anger at me out on the bag or any brave soul who decided sparring with her when she was pissed off was a good idea.
"Checked. No sign of her." Oh shit!
"Have you checked in her room." She wouldn't. Would she? I hadn't hurt her that bad she'd run. Had I? Surely, surely she wouldn't run. That's not a Rose Hathaway action. Well. For Lissa or me? Yes. For her, or the hell of it? No.
"No. I can't get in."
"You need to find a way to get in. If she's run, she's in danger. She has a list of Strigoi enemies twenty miles long. It spans two continents. And, if I know her, she'll be on the hunt," again, "not knowing she's being hunted." 'Prey and predator' I thought sadly.
"Thank you Dimitri. I'll do my best. Could you please write up that list you promised Guardian Croft, please? And one for Rose's enemies? I'm sorry to put you in pain again."
"Shh. It's fine Princess. I want to help, and I need Rose safe." I truly did. She was lethal but it wouldn't matter, not with how many enemies she had. Especially among the Ancients. I couldn't stand the thought of her in that danger, she was too precious, too special.
