ｆａｔｉｇｕｅ ( discontinued )

ｍｉｄｎｉｇｈｔ

Jeongin

I wave goodbye to Felix and Changbin and walk out the cafe door. I look at the time
10pm
too early to go now, I'll just waste time hm . I walk over to the convenient store and bought some instant sausage. this will be the last food i ever had and actually it was my first too , i taste the flavour in my mouth while widely munching. I found a nearby playground and there's a swing so i walk towards it.

While i swing , slowly my tears fall down my eyes slowly before becoming out of control . I didn't realize till my jeans is slowly felt the cold liquid touches my under my jeans. I stop swinging and aggressively stop tearing up, I've never cried and this made me scared because all i know I've never been taught to cry but this is too much and this is quite new to me.

I touch the wet liquid on my cheek and lick it , salty? was tears supposed to be salty? I question myself out loud and look up to the sky smiling . so this is how people let go of their sad feeling huh . i shiver as the wind hit my face even if I'm wearing hoodie it feels like I'm sitting on snow without clothes . I look at my phone and time
11pm

I stand up and go to the bus stop near the playground as I'm going to the bridge where i planned my death. I took out the coins i needed to use for the bus , within few minutes the bus came and it was almost full. I sigh softly at the people who is smiling at each other. I walk in the bus and find the only spot to seat while still looking at my shoes.

Chan

I was holding my camera sticking it out at the window and continuously taking pictures and there i see a boy that looks like— Jeongin? His face looks down and I see him sighing when entering the bus , he looks down at his shoes and he looks up abit to see the only spot that is quite near to me ( as in the picture from above)

I took a picture of him and smile, maybe i should follow him. What's he doing in the middle of the night? he's clumsy enough to even have those bruises. I watch him not turning my head from him, he didn't budge but lean his head at the pole . I took a picture again, why am i doing this?

More and more people board off so it's the only two of us and the last stop is at my place and there is a bridge when you enlighten the bus. I was confused , does he stay there ? meeting his friend?  but it's almost midnight . I watch him take out his phone and he watch the time
11:56pm

I snap my thoughts and it's now in my last stop, I watch him slowly walking to the door looking lifeless. He doesn't have the smile I've seen at the cafe earlier , he's face look more puffy and he have visible red eyes . I followed him out the door and try not making any sound. As he is walking towards the the bridge , I thought he wanted to look at the scenery but instead he climb the bridge edge.

I shout his name
" Jeongin! what the hell are you doing? come fucking down now ! " I slowly walk towards him so he doesn't try the attempt to jump but he stays and just look me in the eyes. His eyes, I felt the pain through his eyes. He squint his eyes before saying.
"C-Chan hyung? "
He says still not changing his position when he's at the edge of the bridge .

" Don't fucking call my name till you get down there " I said to him harshly making him flinch at my tone of voice
He was now looking down at me with no expression .

( bold is Jeongin )

Why would you cared

I do care

no, I planned this so there's nothing to stop me

Then I'm not leaving

please go

No. whatever your facing with. Tell me I could maybe help

nobody helped me so why would you want to help a weakling
like me

because I-I don't know okay I just want to help. I don't want to witness a sucide so it's better to help .

He sigh and shakes his head slowly,
" I'm complicated and there's no solution Chan " He drops the honorific which made me gulp seeing his serious expression . He's not that soft person i see, all i see is a broken person that needs help desperately and nobody noticed.

I slowly climb up to stand beside him on the edge of the bridge and pull him into a hug tightly . I can hear him quietly murmuring , "nobody can help me " I pulled his hands and made him jump down at the pavement with me.  He tried running away but I was still holding his hips and I laugh softly making him change his face to a confused one.

He stares at me, he's beautiful close up . " let go of my hips " He then change his eyes looking at my hands on his hips but I shake my head
" you'll run so no " He huff annoyed but then he nods his head agreeing .
" fine i won't run i promise "
His words were convincing enough so I let him go and he looks up at me, our face inches away apart that made him step back .

" I'll get going then " He said turning but I hold out my hands and stop him. " Stay at my house, it's near here and I'm sure your parent's won't mind " He looks back at me and mumble
" the don't even care "
I heard him and smile softly at him and stand beside him
"let's go"