𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝑒𝓇 ~ 𝒷𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑒𝓎

chapter 2// jealousy

i watched as him and antonio were talking. is she rubbing his arm? is his hand on her thigh?!
is she...flirting? i watched as all i did was sit on the swings, shaded by a big tree. sit sat down next to me. "what's up dude" i turn my head confused at his words "wa-what do you mean?"
i gave me that look of 'bitch really' "c'mon, your best friend got back from being gone for 3 months and you aren't even talking to him. what's wrong" i turned my head back again. "nothings "wrong". i just- it's nothing" i don't want to tell anyone about how i'm feeling. how could i? i don't even know how i'm feeling. "did you get in a fight or something?" i rolled my eyes "i told you, it's nothing" "dude you know you can tell me anything" he said looking at me "there's nothing to tell you" he seemed annoyed at this point. "ugh fine i was just trying to help" he got off his swing and started to walk away. i felt bad but what could i do? tell him? i'm not insane. i got off the swings and ran behind him grabbing his shoulder "hey look, i'm really sorry it's just... personal" he gave me an annoyed look "whatever jorge" ugh i hate when syds mad at me. he's such a good friend but he gets mad easily. he gets over it quickly though. i follow him to where benji and antonio were. that feeling came back, jealousy. "hey guys" ugh freaking benji. why am i even mad. i don't like him so why be jealous? why be mad? i shouldn't be. "hey benji" syd said. we sat on the play structure and just talked. well i barely did. i was too caught up in my thoughts to talk.

dude you don't like him. he's your best friends. it's fine too find your best friend hot. like antonio is hot, that doesn't mean i like her. ugh but i feels different with benji. no it's just because i'm gay. yeah that's why. yeah i don't like him. wait what if i did? what would happen? would it be awkward between us? would we stay friends if he found out? would he hate me? he's straight so it's not like if he did find out that he'd even like me a little. shut up jorge you're so dumb. you don't like him. you don't like him!

i'd been thinking to myself so long i hadn't realized it was dark "hey jey, you coming?" benji asked snapping me out of my thoughts just to start new ones. his voice changed too. it's deeper. and it's hot. shut the fuck up jorge jesus christ. "oh uh yeah sorry" i got up and went down with them. we said bye to syd and antonio and they walked the other way. i was alone with him. that feeling in my stomach was there. that feeling you get when you...like someone. no jorge. you're just hungry. we walked home and got to my bedroom. i hadn't even thought of the fact benji was sleeping over. it's fine though. it's fine, you don't like him. you don't like him jorge. i'd have to sleep in the same bed as him. it was never weird before but now...it is. why's it weird? you don't like him so why's it weird? i don't even know at this point. he went to his suitcase and got out some grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. he went to the bathroom down the hall to change. i got some black sweatpants and a grey hoodie. i changed quickly and sat on my bed. i heard benji knock on the door. he always knocks the same. "you dressed?" he asked from behind the door. "yeah. come in" he opened the door and put his clothes from today in his suitcase. i moved from the edge of the bed to the wall. he always likes sleeping on the outside. benji got into bed and i turned to face the wall. he sifted in the bed and i turned to see what he was doing. i forgot he sleeps with his shirt off fuck. jesus he's hot. holy cow. jorge he's your best friend stop it. i turn back the other way and face the wall. the picture of him taking of his shirt can't get out of my head. i try to get it out but jesus christ he's hot. JORGE STOP DROOLING OVER YOUR BEST FRIEND JESUS! fuck do i like him? fuck fuck fuck! stop! just stop!

oh if only it was that easy.