What was poor Dido thinking of?
Vowing evermore to love
A corpse, forsaking breathing men
For ashes on the mantel? When
Aeneas, unexpectedly
Blew into town, his company
Roused more than curiosity.
So much for oaths of chastity.
"What looks, and what a chest!" thought she,
"And what a whiz with weaponry;
A killer, in or out of bed."
Such were the thoughts that plagued her, ad
Dementium. Yet still she clung
To vows she made in haste while young
And guileless, grieving for her man.
Her sister, though, devised a plan.
"You're young, you're powerful—you're built!
Why waste away your youth in guilt
And grieving—for a dish of dust?"
She hissed, disgusted. "Sister, trust
Me here—where is the harm, the shame
In latching on to his good name
AND body; betcha HE can burn
For you, and not end in an urn."
With these and other words, she swayed
Her sister's mind. Thus Dido laid
Her blame to bed (Aeneas next);
Their wantoness, however, vexed
Her people, his, some deities
And former suitors...Iarbas? Please!
As if he ever stood a chance
Of fumbling into Dido's pants.
At any rate, their bliss seemed doomed
To die. The foolish queen presumed
Too much of their "arrangement." He,
Kicked in his pious memory
(As he claimed, by a "higher source")
Prepared to sneak away of course;
For those who wed and run away
Will steal another's bride, cause a war and eventually get around to founding Rome
someday.
Thus came the day when duty-bound
Aeneas let poor Dido down;
Forsook her love (against his will,
He claimed—he meant the queen no ill;
"Can't we be friends?"). The raging queen
Would sooner have torn out his spleen;
Alas, that Dido had foreseen
This day, and kept her pudor clean.
But no, she broke her solemn vow
To Sychaeus, that ash, and now
Her fault came home to her at last
(Now that her pleasure boat had passed
Her by, to cruise a virgin shore)—
She wasn't queenly anymore;
She faltered, and could not be trusted.
Power, pudor—both were busted.
O, what to do in such a state,
When dealt such a distasteful fate:
Chase after love that's unrequited?
Nah—she hadn't been invited.
Or better yet, give Iarb a ring
("If you're not doing anything
Tonight...")—not likely even he
Would view the offer favorably.
Better, Dido, you should die
That settle for another guy
(Or none at all; there's little sense
In turning NOW to abstinence).
And so, without another word
She swooned upon the wretch's sword
(Which, thoughtfully, he'd left behind
To decorate her room. How kind).
And as the queen lay bleeding there
With Anna pulling out her hair,
Aeneas, meanwhile, saw the flame
Of Dido's pyre; Spoke her name
(And managed not to heave, somehow...)--
Thus having grieved, he quit the prow
And, feeling out of sorts, poor chap,
He went below and took a nap.
Aspiring queens, pay heed to this, the
Tragic story of Alyssa;
Lest you too should end on fire
With some dummy on a pyre.
Look beyond the here and now
When contemplating any vow;
Where sisters are concerned, think twice
Before soliciting advice.
Wear that crown, girl, once you've donned it!
Shun a man who wears a bonnet;
Keep your trysts discreet, and varied;
ALWAYS have your husbands BURIED.
NOTES:
1. "Pudor" is a Latin word that does not have an exact translation in English. It is meant to convey the sense of shame/modesty/chastity/propriety which all "good" women were supposed to possess and live by (yes, only women. Sigh.)
2. Sychaeus is Dido's deceased first husband, whose ashes hold a prominent place in Dido's household. She had vowed eternal fidelity to him as he lay dying...well, forever IS a long time...
3. Anna is the name of Dido's sister, who basically talked her into the relationship with Aeneas, then wailed and pulled her hair as Dido killed herself
4. Alyssa is another name for Dido
5. The bonnet in the ante-penultimate line refers to a headdress of the day called a "Phrygian bonnet." Evidently Aeneas, while a loathsome cad, was fashionable. And I got to use the word "ante-penultimate" in a sentence :-)
