𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 ➯ 𝘈𝘏

𝘮𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯

dear anthoine,

it's september first. the day after we lost a legend. 

yesterday shit me up. bad. to be honest, i'm not sure quite why it's affected me as much as it did.

i don't have the privilege of watching F2 live as i don't have any of the streaming services it's available on in the UK. as a result i only really follow the 'key' people in the championship - nyck de vries, tatiana calderon, etc.. i never really followed your progress.

taking that, why do i feel like i've lost someone close to me? i never met you, to me you were just a name on a screen, most likely with a time next to it. i was too ignorant and blind to appreciate you when you were around, and they are moments that we can never get back. for that, i am sorry.

i keep thinking it's not real, that i'll go onto twitter and see tweets saying 'thank god, it was a hoax'. it's been over twenty four hours and i've not seen any of those tweets. i forget it's happened, then i have a quiet moment where i think 'this is real, this actually happened'. i feel sick to my stomach and keep feeling pangs of sadness and anxiety.

my utmost respect goes to your mom. i can't imagine losing a son and - less than twenty four hours after his death - go back to the place he died and watch people do exactly what he was doing when he died. that strength and courage, i feel, has been overlooked.

i guess, i feel the pain so much because my community does. i've not been part of the motorsport community long, but in the short time i have been, i've been infatuated with everything about it...apart from the obvious danger.

just like you were.

i'm sat here writing this on september first, twenty nineteen. i'm just a fan. but who knows, one day i could be the mother who gets the tragic call, the girlfriend that hears the final screams or even the social media manager that has to choke back tears before pressing 'publish' on that tribute post. and that terrifies me.

i follow and love motorsport for a reason. this won't stop me. i'll just perhaps be a little more cautious. i'll hug people tighter, reach out to others more and perhaps even tell people how i feel about then a little more. life is so fragile, and we never know when it will end. this taught me - the hard way - to make the most out of it.

rest easy and drive in paradise, anthoine.

- megan

submitted by newromantic123 via her rant book.