IZIGORA

Chapter 23

'Is this true, brother Kainye?'

'No. Why would I talk to my wife like that? This is part of the problem I spoke to you about and sought your prayers for. Sometimes, my wife is unable to separate reality from scenes in movies she's watched and books she's read.'

God help her. It took God to stop Izigora from uttering the words that reflexively came to her mouth: Amadioha ta pu kwa gi onu asi gi (let the god of thunder bite out your lying mouth). But she just held her peace.

'All he's trying to do is to save his ego,' Izigora told the Pastor. 'I'm in full control of my senses, make no mistake about that. Kainye here took away my self-esteem and I'm grateful for friends who made me realise his words were uttered out of sheer malice.'

Her mind went to a conversation she'd had with Kobi just before she moved in with Sotonye.

'What do you see when you look at me?' Izigora asked Kobi. She was at a place where she felt worthless and Kainye's malicious words over the years kept ringing in her head. She felt she needed some form of confirmation, but Kobi's words got through the haze her mind was in.

'What do I see when I see you?' Kobi repeated. 'Well, I see a young beautiful woman trapped in a marriage she desperately needs to get out of but is afraid of finding herself alone because she grew up without a family. I see a kind hearted and considerate woman who tries to please everyone; a woman whose identity had been slowly and carefully subsumed by the man she loves that she can't even identify herself without referring to him; I see a woman in need of love and importantly in need of a true friend and a listening ear.

'Speaking as a friend, you need to love yourself Izigora. No one can love you until and unless you love yourself. Your husband could body shame you because you don't love yourself and you see a disappointment whenever you look at your reflection in the mirror. Yes, there are voluptuous women and yes, sometimes we men are stupid enough to let our loins dictate our actions but the thing is every man has his choice. Just as some men love their women with more flesh, some men like them really slim and some men are more interested in what a woman has in her head than her physical appearance. It is unacceptable for a man to go after a woman and then try to change her to meet his specifications. You want a slim woman, find a slim woman and don't get hitched to a big woman and expect her to lose weight.

'You're slim and not voluptuous but a man would have to be completely blind in order to mistake you for anything other than a female. Dress in clothes that suit you, clothes you feel good in and when you look at your reflection in the mirror, tell yourself that you're slim and beautiful. Eating and making yourself bulimic is not healthy. You have the build of a woman who would always be slim irrespective of what she eats and how often she does it. It's a good body and you can comfortably have your children without the fear of always needing a caesarean section unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Child birth has nothing to do with your size.

'If God had a specific choice then He wouldn't have made everyone different. But variety is the spice of life. Imagine how boring the world would have been if everyone looked alike. But He made us the way He loved us: short, tall, dark, fair, slim, fat etc. And for everyone there is someone. You're petite but may be destined to be drawn to a very tall man. The average man may be drawn to a tall woman and vice versa. What's important is your opinion of yourself and if you want to be concerned about someone else's opinion then worry about what God thinks of you. And what's God's opinion? You're wonderfully and fearfully made. God never makes a mistake and He didn't make one when he created you. You're the way you are because that's how He wants you. If He's not complaining, then who is any mortal to do so? Having said that, you need to do something with your life. What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? Never let your life's decisions be determined or controlled by a man whether spouse or friend, including me, or in the long run you'll end up hating him and growing bitter towards him.'