I know either in my head or either this has been the saddest part of my life.
My heart is gone, my body is not the same, plus im not myself physically nor mentally. I dont wish this on my worst enemy.
Dave has been here for me nonstop and has always had my back through it all. While going through this lyric has been distant and hasn't been around since then.
I know many might say im overreacting but she my bestfriend i expect her to be by my side while im going through this.
I sit in my thoughts and decide to get in the tub. I know what you thinking and yes i have been bathing but i just want to soak and relax.
I go into the bathroom and run me some water and i just get into a daze and i cant get out if it.
The things thats coming to my mind is drown yourself miracle. You have no reason to live anymore .
I stop the water and u get into the tub and let the water come over my face and i stop breathing.
My baby is gone and i have no reason to live. I just want to end it all .
As im feeling very light headed and going in and out Dave comes and gets me out the water.
"Miracle what the fuck man" he says yelling at me panicking.
I have nothing to so i just cry into his arms and just break down. Man my life has changed since i lost my child. LORD can you please help me.
I haven't been eating right, sleeping right or anything in that matter. I just need a break and i need to just get away because being in this house is making me the most depressed person ever.
I see dave walk in with this sad look on his face and im just looking at him.
"Baby talk to me." He says
" i just cant do this anymore, my baby gone, im not myself. Im just lost right now i just dont know how to come back from this." I say starting to cry.
"Baby dont cry he says. Just get some rest i promise ill make you feel better." He says kissing my forehead.
"You can let me be by myself?" I say laying down.
He doesnt say anything he just leaves.
I know im not myself by just looking in the mirror. I have bags under my eyes and my body doesnt feel the same to me. Losing a child is not the best thing. I don't wish this on anyone.
I know most people be like "have another one" but its not that easy.
Once you lose your first baby it isn't easy to have another one.
I just want to become myself again.
After everything eventhough Dave has been here i still cant shake this feeling that he is cheating on me.
I know i may be in my head but he just doesnt look at me the same . I may be tripping but if i find out he tripping i will shoot him in between his eyes.
We will find out even if my life depends on it!💯
