Ukuzi Hellsing

Chapter 6: Home Life with my Big Tittied Police Girl

Ukuzi, and Police Girl have just made it home. The immortal duo just entered when, Ukuzi saw his father. This made Ukuzi smile, and asks, "So Tou-san finally came back, but what happened to him?"

Ukuzi sure as hell already knew what happened, but wanted to hear it from someone else's lips. That is when Inko says, "Ukuzi sweetheart, your Tou-san saw shot, by a crazed lunatic. He was found lying in his pool of blood. It was so horrible."

At this point Inko is crying. So Ukuzi decide to not be an ass for once, and comforts his mother. Ukuzi then asks, "Old Man how was America?"

The former hero blaze, now named Old Man says, "It was great. Saved, and met a whole bunch of people. Over there in America their are a lot of fat people. Practically ever city has a McDonald's. Took a tour of the Statue of Liberty. Other than getting shot it was good."

Ukuzi says, "Nice. Police Girl get me something to drink."

Police Girl says, "My name is Himiko Toga, Master, and sure I'll get you your damn drink."

Old Man asks, "How was your first day at Yūei Kōkō?"

Ukuzi says, "Well some Catholic Sociopath tried to kill me. Couldn't get through the second out of ten steps it takes to do so. Got called a Protestant Heathen. Said "Fuck", and "Bitch" a lot. Oh... And How could I forget that I scared the shit out of my new classmates."

Inko asks, "How'd you do that?"

Police Girl walks up, and hands me my drink. She then says, "By walking through the wall of our classroom, and screaming "hey kids do you wanna see dead boddies". You also decided to slightly turn every picture in the building, too."

Ukuzi thinks back on it, and says, "I guess I did do that. Didn't I?"

Ukuzi's phone then rings. He answers it to find Sir Integra on the other end of the line. Off course it's Sir Integra. But, anyway Ukuzi says, "Hello... Master... Are you there... Fucking bitch..."

And as Ukuzi is about to end the call, when Sir Integra just sighs, and says, "Ukuzi, we just got an email from the Pope, about a death threat sent to him by carrier pigeon, no less. Something about, and I quote,"Fucking the Fear Turkey". Did you happen to be involved with the said death threat?"

Ukuzi answers, "Death threat? The Pope? Carrier pigeon? Fucking the Fear Turkey?"

Sir Integra asks, "Are you just saying key phrases from what I just said in question form?"

Ukuzi says, "No."

Sir Integra yells, "ASSHOLE!"

Ukuzi yells, "BITCH!"

Sir Integra yells, "TWAT!"

Ukuzi then yells, "SKANK!"

Sir Integra just sighs, as she tries to calm down. She then says, "Ukuzi. You, and Police Girl have a mission."

Ukuzi wines, "But I take Police Girl with me everywhere."

Sir Integra says, "You should have thought of that before you turned her into a vampire because of her big titties. I'll text you the info."

Ukuzi asks, "Police Girl, why is it that she always argues with me through the phone?"

Police Girl answers, "Well, Master is it because of the boner you get every time you look at her?"

Ukuzi replies, "It's awkward."

Then a old voice says, "Yes, it is quite awkward."

Ukuzi looks at the man that just appeared, and says, "Ah... Walter. How are you still alive? I thought you Benjamin Button'd yourself out of existence."

Walter just shrugs, and says, "Plot conveniences. Anyway... Sir Integra told me to the butler for your parents."

But Ukuzi ingored him. He truly didn't care what Benjamin Button was, and is doing here.

Old Man then asks, "When did Izuku start acting like this?"

Ukuzi answers, "I don't know Old Man! Maybe it was when I became a shape shifting, omnipresent vampire, and the strongest being on this planet! And by the way it's Ukuzi now."

Police Girl asks, "So what did Sir Integra want to talk to you about?"

Ukuzi says, "Apparently I sent a death threat to the Pope by carrier pigeon. Oh... By the way, we have a mission."

Police Girl asks, "What's the mission?"

Then the Old Man, and Inko yells, "YOU SENT A DEATH THREAT TO THE POPE!"

Ukuzi just shrugs is shoulders, and says, "I hope it's in Ireland. I wanna shoot a leprechaun, and see if Lucky Charms fall out of the gun wounds. Master said she'd text me the info."

Police Girl asks, "But Master what about Jack Mantis?"

Ukuzi says, "I'm so going to rub it in his face the next time I see him."