𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | 𝐭𝐚𝐞𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤

ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇs

Jungkook hesitated for a long moment wanting to back out but he knew that would just cause more problems for him. He knocked softly on the door while his heart beat quickened.

There was no response.

He knocked once again.

"Fuck off." Was all he heard from inside the room. He bit at the inside of his cheek knowing damn well he deserved that. After all, he had beat him pretty hard. He wanted to apologize before he went back home but it was very obvious Yoongi didn't want to speak to him and Jungkook didn't blame him. He knew what he did was wrong, and he felt terrible. It seemed no matter how hard Jungkook tried, he couldn't stop messing everything up. Jungkook continued to gather up his things before dragging his luggage downstairs. He knew everyone was very angry with him, and that he had ruined the bon voyage trip. He had already gotten an earful from their manager for ruining their trip, but Jungkook felt it was only fair considering he did stir up quite a mess. He decided on just leaving a note saying goodbye to everyone because he knew they all didn't actually care that he was leaving. Jungkook was sure that they were all glad that he was leaving, because he'd ruined their trip. Jungkook ordered himself an Uber and once it arrived, he left to go back home.

Jungkook felt pretty nervous to go back home too because he knew he had to face Taehyung and knowing the others, they probably had told him the horrible things he did to Yoongi. The thought of Taehyung knowing what Jungkook did made his heartbeat quicken with anxiety. He didn't want him to feel disgusted or disappointed in him.. but he also knew that what he did was nothing short of disgusting and disappointing. The entire flight back home he was caught up in his thoughts and worries. He had tried to read, watch a film, listen to music but nothing could block out all of the things replaying in his mind. Jungkook felt confused and he couldn't wrap his head around how Taehyung could love him like that. For how long has he felt that way? Why did his confession worry him so much? But most importantly.

Why did he have the sudden urge to lean in and kiss him?

Jungkook tried so hard to fight it off. But he couldn't stop himself from looking at Taehyung's face. At the little mole on nose, his lips.. and wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Jungkook didn't understand why he was feeling like this. He had tried and tried to push it down. All the thoughts, the questions, the fantasies.. but they'd always resurface. He felt powerless, and shameful. He was disgusted with himself for being attracted to Taehyung, and even more disgusted with himself for being disgusted over something like that in the first place. He knew there was nothing wrong with loving someone of the same gender, but he also knew that he had never had the urge to kiss another man before, ever in his entire life. He'd always been attracted to girls his entire life so what was it about Taehyung that made him feel so intrigued? What was it about Taehyung that practically drove Jungkook mad?

He knew now that the possibility of Taehyung and himself being more than just best friends and band mates was much more real. Now that he knew how Taehyung truly felt about him he couldn't stop himself from imagining what it would be like to be with him. What would it truly be like? What would everyone think? Would they have to keep it a secret? Would they even last? So many questions, and little to no answers. Jungkook slowly began to piece everything in his head. All the stares, the sly comments, the hurt..

Jungkook was suddenly very much aware of just how much he had hurt Tae. Especially taking his feelings into consideration, Jungkook knew that everything he'd done and said in the past must have hurt tremendously.. and Taehyung just had to pretend as if it was nothing. This whole time Taehyung must have been hurting, with no one to turn to or confide in and the thought of Taehyung experiencing that made Jungkook feel such strong guilt and anger towards himself. Eventually Jungkook fell asleep and when he finally arrived home, the air felt different. It felt cold, and lonely.