Pistanthrophobic

-1-

**The italicized words are spoken in Tagalog.  Also, this is not edited so please bear with me..

Love you, my Mermaids! 

Enjoy!

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I immediately fired my laptop on after putting my bag and keys to my bedside table. I still have few minutes before my parents go to bed and given that I came home late, he's probably asleep already.

I opened my messenger and dialed my mom.

"Hi Ma! Is he still awake?'

"Andy, it's past nine. Of course, he's asleep." I can hear the irritation on my mom's voice.

"Ma, don't get angry. I know you're not gonna sleep anytime soon. For sure you will still watch some videos of cats on YouTube" I teased her.

My mom loves YouTube. She mostly watches funny animal videos and sometimes some Filipino drama episodes that she missed.

I got a smile from her and I know I'm saved from her grumpiness.

She repositioned the camera and my heart leaped. There he is. Chase. My baby boy. My salvation.

I can't help tearing up because I miss him so much. He is just three months old but I had to leave him to the care of my loving parents and my cousin Anna, as his nanny so I can come back here and work for his future.

Seeing him but not being able to touch and hug him and carry him always breaks my heart. But life is tough and since I don't have anyone to help me financially, I decided to come back here.

"How was He today Ma?" I asked my mom who is changing his diaper at the moment.

"Anna said he was fine the whole day. He was asleep most of the day anyways." After she put his pajama back, my mom put the last t-shirt that I've used back home on top of his baby blanket.

I asked my mom to do it so he will not forget my smell.

I tried to stifle the sobs that is threatening to occur so he will not accidentally wake up.

My mom put the camera in front of her, hiding my angel to me. She smiled sadly, "Andy, he's gonna be okay. He will always be okay. Anna is taking good care of him. I am here, your dad is here. He's going to be okay." My mom assured me.

I know they will take of him. They love him so much.

"I just miss him, Ma" I said, wiping my tears.

Working abroad has been really hard. I just came back to UAE after staying almost a year in the Philippines. It was harder to leave the country this time because I didn't just leave my family, I also had to leave Chase.

"Tomorrow is your day off, right? You can spend the whole day video calling him." Mom smiled at me but this time, it's a happier one.

"Before I forgot Ma, I will go out tonight. Madonna and Jerrica have been bugging me to go out with them. And I haven't seen them since I came back" I know I'm too old to ask permission from my mother, and that she is in another country. But it's better that they know where I am so they don't have to worry too much.

"Please, Andy. Be careful." I can hear the concern and warning on her voice. "It's not just you that you have to think about. You have a son now" She warned sternly.

"I know Ma. You know how persuasive Madonna is. I will be careful. I promise." I know she doesn't trust me fully. At least not anymore. But I vowed to focus solely on my son. And I will not disappoint my parents any more than I already did.

"Okay. Be careful. And don't drink too much"

"I swear. Kiss him and Papa for me, Ma. I love you all. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Andy."

After cutting the call, I went to the bathroom to take a bath and to get ready. I know Madonna and Jerrica will wear something over the top tonight. 

I'm not going to wear anything fancy because no matter how much effort I put, I will look ordinary beside those two. 

I am the ugly duckling in our group. I don't stand out nor I tried to.

With my 5' flat and 65 kilograms body, I look like my friends' assistant whenever we go out. Especially now that I had Chase, I can't waste money buying clothes and accessories.

You see, I got pregnant while working as a receptionist of one of the government hotels here. Back then, I was in a relationship with my Jordanian co-worker and we were together for over 3 years when I got pregnant. I thought we will be together forever. I thought he will ask me to marry him after we found out about my pregnancy. But it all came crashing down when I found out that I was not his ONLY girlfriend.

My confidence was shattered after learning that Yousif was cheating on me almost the whole time we were together. 

Just few days before leaving the country, I received a message on my Facebook. It says that he is in an on and off relationship with another Filipina from our accounting department. The massage was from her, telling me about their relationship.

My world crumbled and I cried for days.

I confronted him and he admitted that he started cheating on me just 4 months into our relationship. And that he was also arranged to be married to a Jordanian girl that his parents chose for him. I found out about his engagement when I was begging him, yes begging him to choose me and to marry me so I didn't have to go home to give birth.

It is strictly against the law to get pregnant if you're not married in any Muslim country. I was thinking that maybe, if we'll get married, I can still give birth here and I will still be with him.

But because he refused to get married, I had no choice but to go back home and give birth there.

I felt that I was not enough that's why he cheated on me. That I am not pretty or sexy enough. I was a little fat, yes. But I thought he loved me no matter how much I weigh. I didn't hear him complain about my weight so I assume that it doesn't matter to him.

Hearing people say that I am really beautiful but I need to lose weight is pretty normal for me. But thinking that if my weight is okay for Yousuf, then it should be okay for other people too.

Boy was I wrong.

After giving birth, I gained few more pounds. I know I look like an oompa Loompa. But who gives a fuck?

I'm not looking for a relationship any way. So, to hell with people looking at me differently. 

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So how was that for a first chapter? *nudge, nudge. wink, wink*

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I love you, my Mermaids!! 

-Underwater Princess-