vent

Yo.

So like, I'm busy making a ukulele.
I don't know why
I just decided to

It's actually going pretty good

I spent a day painting it and it's still drying

I don't think I'll be able to play it

I'll just have a ukulele.

So there's that.

But that's about the only thing going right for me at the moment.

I'm in a bit of a colossal fuck up.

My friend lost his grandfather and I should be there for him. I'm not.

My girlfriend misses me and what I used to do for her. I'm not there.

My friends want to talk to me and have connections with me. I don't.

Everyone else thinks I can do good.
I don't want to.

I don't know whats going on with me.

I seriously want help but I don't know how to ask
Or what to ask for

I like. I'm so fucking lost.

Like a lost child and a shop or smthn

I'm really scared but what's worse is how hard it is for me to experience emotion

Bottom line im more or less complacent and even about that. So im scared hut I don't know what of.

Jens been distant
She said she won't wait forever
I know that

Noahs been quiet
He wants me to talk to him
I know that

Dad wants to have a connection with me
I know that

My grandparents want me now
I know that

My ex thinks she's smart and can keep talking to me by changing her name.
I know that.

Jens being distant now

"I love you"
"Alright, for how long?"
How the fuck am I meant to respond to that

I am trying

I'm trying

I'll try more

And now it's too late.

I'm at breaking point
The glass is heated and about to fall into ice

I'm getting very upsetti >:(

Don't make me regretti

I'll turn your insides into spaghetti

You get mii?

Hha that's a funny

Just

Someone if you can

Make me dissappear so that I never existed in the first place
Because dying is selfish

But I never liked living

I'm a living failure

I don't want to be around and as my tipsy father made clear for a long time he didn't either.

I just

Fuck

I have like, borderline arachnophobia right and check this out

This big bad false black widow be crawling around on me and i was terrified for a solid 10 seconds then I stopped caring, relaxed all my muscles, did some ultra instinct shit and ignored it

I don't even care it was crawling on me for a bit I just moved it

It was a bizzare feeling

Like, suddenly all irrelevant emotions vanished

But pain changed

It was like a silent banshee scream howling through my skull. Harrowing my bones and turning my thoughts into shadowy blights.

I've learned a riddle formula

You give yourself an easy rough theme

You give yourself an answer
And you start,
As you go you flesh it out using details of your answer, then you make it a riddle.
Here is the one I've given my "friends"
A year to complete with a £50 prize:

near the edge of the world
there is a tree that never rots
the petals of flowers always bloom flow gently into the night sky
as the sun remains far beneath our feet
The stars loom overhead
dancing in their cosmic robes

the answer is a taurus.

Simple right
Well no
Not really

It seems like bs

I'm a taurus too. Kind of. I'm like kinda not, I'm born in a time frame that if I move to America for my birthday I'm an aries?

I'm quite the inconsistency.

They say a constantc OK is better than an inconsistent good.

So if I'm inconsistently okay, what am I.

Fuck im

I'm

Help me
Someone

I just need a hug, a day out, some coffee. Just to chill or something

Yikes.

I also wanna sleep.

I'll sleep now.

It's been a few days, I might as well publish it for once