Let Me Fall

*Preface*

Hey guys,

So I've changed this book, completely, but the characters remain the same! April and Aiden remain!

*Edited*

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Preface

I stood at the top of the bridge, in fear and in silence. I looked down, wordlessly, watching the dark water streaming to me and then disappearing under the bridge. Maybe if I jumped, I would be like the river.

Free

And then, like every other river that runs, it would end up in the sea, the wider and deeper place. The street lamps were on, but not one reflected me. I was hidden amongst the cars, leaning, like a ghost. This time though, I didn't look back, neither did I slip away into the darkness and back home. Now, I sat and watched, until I could find the little courage in me to actually and truly jump.

Sometimes it was nice to just sit and view, to let it just be. To let my suicide thoughts trail and to find a never-ending close. But today there was something about the air, something that told me I probably should jump. Every day, I'd tell myself that I could crawl into my bed, under my duvet instead of being here, outside, with nothing but a single jumper to keep me warm.

I slipped off my jumper and my shoes and sat on the brick wall. All I had to do was kick off the barrage and I'd be falling into the river. I let my legs dangle down, clasping my hand together.

'Should I do it today?' I whisper to the night and the wind begins to howl. 'Should I do it tonight?'

Resting my head on my hand, I puff out a breath. The wind hits my back, making me shiver. It's telling me to jump, I think.

'Jump,' the demons chant making me believe that they were best. I try to fall back, and climb onto the path again, so that I could run home, but the demons won't let me now. '5 more seconds and you'll be dead. Imagine it. So easy and so simple.'

These demons were destructive, ripping away the life I once supposedly loved. My legs clambered on the wall, making me stand. Now for sure, all I had to do was step and I would die.

'Jump, you useless being.'

These demons were far from fairy tales, they live inside your mind. With every breath you take, they remind you how to take it away. With every step you take, they remind you how to make you fall.

The wind and the demons are working together now. The wind is trying to swipe me off my feet and the demons are trying to tempt me.

What about me?

I'm just trying to fight the battle in between.

I close my eyes.

'One.'

I let my body relax and shuffle closer to the edge.

'Two.'

I spread my arms out wide and release my hands, so that my palms are showing.

'Three.'

I jump.

It's two simple words but means more than anything. I jump. It means I take my life away.

I was soaring through the sky, or so it felt like it, but when I open my eyes, I'm facing the blunt brick wall. I feel someone tugging my hand and trying to reach for the other.

'Don't do it.' It whispers. Maybe it was an angel. Maybe it was an angel coming to fight the demons off. The angel's hand is big and soft, wrapped around my wrist. It's strong as well. It manages to reach for my other hand, and heaves it up.

'Let go!' I scream. The demons had proved themselves right once again. They can never leave me alone. 'Get off me!'

I kicked and screamed but the hand was tough and resilient and instead of obeying, it started dragging me upwards. 'Hold on.' It muttered.

With one great heave, my body was on the floor, a face gazing into mine. I could have mistaken it for an angel if it wasn't for the three men behind him, circling me. 'Are you okay?' One of the men said.

He sounded drunk, or rather dopey. I sat up, and studied the angel in front of me. He was wearing jeans and a leather jacket, with rings on his fingers and his hair styled up. I stared at him. 'Is she deaf?' A voice rumbled, and the three men laughed.

The angel stood watching me, cautiously, as if waiting for my outburst instead I picked myself up and wobbled.

'Careful there.' He softly smiled, and then placed me down on the floor again. 'Why don't you stay there, and give me your mother's phone number or something.'

'No.' I replied rather calmly. He cocked his head to one side and eyed me.

'No?'

'I can't give you anyone's number. I just want to go home now.' I tell him. He nods and puts his phone back in his pocket.

'Ok,' He replies, stepping back. He watches me get up and then grab my shoes and jumper. I swiftly rear and walk down the aisle. When I turn back, I see him walking behind me. 'You seriously thought I would leave you walk home alone after witnessing you jumping off a bridge?' He says. I narrow my eyes.

'Unbelievable.' I mutter. 'They're not coming.' I state. He turns to the three men who are catching up with us. They seem to be laughing on the way, tripping over stuff.

'Wait for me here.' He calls to them and they all stop abruptly and bang into each other, giggling. He turns back to me. 'Lead the way.'

I cross my arms over my shoulder in reply of the cold and slip on my shoes. After what seems like ages, I finally reach my street. 'You can leave now.' I assure him, pointing over to one of the rows of my house. 'I live down there.'

He stops following me and sits on the bench, inspecting me. 'Go on.' He pledges and I nod my head, slowly.

'Listen up.' I interject. 'I've been doing this for a very long time, and I've never needed anyone's help.'

'So?'

'So you can leave.' I order.

'Thanks for the backstory but can't I sit here?' He replies, holding my gaze for longer than I appreciate.

'And watch me walk to my house? No, you can't.' I snap, licking my lips.

'Well I am.' He chuckles. Cautious of the time, I forget about arguing with him and run back home, cutting an exit and ending up in my backyard. I climb a tree and jump into my slightly open window, shutting it quickly.

'I'll fight them off for one more night,' I muttered to myself about the demons. 

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Quick side-note:

If you want to talk about anything then I'll be here. Don't comment down below, PM/DM me...hope it helps.

#suicide #boyfriendproblems #cuts #bullied #abuse #Eatingdisorders