what life brings

To weep is to make less the depth of grief

I still cannot believe my beloved grandma passed away. Yesterday was her funeral, my mom has been weeping since then she wouldn’t just stop she got sick and is admitted in the hospital. She told me to stay at home with Ibrahim and aunt Hafsa while Saima and the other would stay with her. I really wanted to get the hell out of this place because of all that weeping and crying of people that I was hearing was making me crazy. The sad part is that I never even shed a tear at my grandma’s dead. I was frozen and still the whole time, locked inside my room to hear the crying of ladies. But now I felt suffocation being in this room for a day or so. Silently I tip toed to the backyard which has a king sized pool.

It was midnight and dark; I folded my jeans till a little lower to my knee and sat down at the edge of the pool. It was a full moon; the pool’s water was glittering and reflecting light, sighing I dipped my foot into the water. It felt really cold but I liked it. It was soothing to my trembling nerves.

 Suddenly old memories of the house flooded throw my head. I saw myself crying besides the oak tree near the pool, I was wearing a long skirt with a blue top; my hairs were tied in a pony tail. I was 10 years then I did hurt my elbows while trying to climb on the trees. Grandma had come to me with first aid box and treated my elbow, after that she had walked me inside and baked me a chocolate cake. While the memory nagged me my eyes, for the first time after her dead, filled up. One after the other the tears made their way from my eyes to my chin. I began to sob furiously. I wiped them off with the back of my selves. Though I never stayed for too long with her but I loved her like I love my mom or maybe just 2% less. She cared for me alot... at night she would tell me all the random tales she had ever know, from her childhood experiences till her old age. I miss her so much I wish I could have spend some more time with her now. my feet felt freezing cold, but I didn’t care much for it. Warms tears kept of dripping and I kept on wiping them off with the back of my selves, I was trembling furiously. I felt something warm on my right shoulder like a hand. I didn’t turn around to look at the person disturbing me in my CRY_ON_BABY mood, after a few seconds whoever it was sat beside me  and dipped it’s feet inside the water. I shifted my gaze towards it. Cold brown eyes stared into my darker ones making me warm from inside in familiarity.

“Ibrahim?”  I asked wiping my tears off my cheeks.

“mhmm” he replied, he sounded as he is in pain. “How odd it is? She died after meeting me, you and your mom”. He was wearing black knee length shorts with a grey t-shirt his muscles flexed every time he shoke his feet’s under the water.

“I know”

“I couldn’t stop missing her” tears once again pricked my eyes and bungee jumped away from them dripping continuously on my cheeks. I began to weep and sob I just couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Please don’t cry” Ibrahim huddled closer to me wrapping his arms around my shoulders. It felt really awkward but I really needed some ones support now or I would flow an ocean of tears. I cuddled closer to his chest and began weeping on his shirt. He smelled like expensive shower gel and him, his hold got stronger around my shoulders that clutched me.

“Man! Ayesha you are freezing” I never replied I just kept on crying... my mom is in terrible condition and she won’t let me see her because I would freak out and faint again. Life felt so unfair now.

“Please Ayesha don’t cry, God you are freezing lets go inside, of course if you want to”

“No I don’t want to!!, I want to see my mom! I miss my grandma and I hate my life” I shifted away from him, and stood up. Then suddenly I was embarrassed by the fact that my legs were exposed from ankle to below knee I quickly unfolded them.