I Want This | david & jen

Chapter 1 - Instability

The clouds were especially dreary that morning in New York City. The lifeless grey sky and darting sharp hails weren't enough to distract him from what was going on in his mind's eye. Pitter-pat, pitter-pat, went the rain, pouring softly on the man's roof.
He tugged on his sheets and pulled them up to his ears muffling the noise. That sound drove him mad. He lie awake in his bed, quietly sobbing. His eyes open or closed, the same illusion remained. His ears were especially vulnerable to every sound. He stood up shaking, his mind traumatized as if he had just witnessed a homicide. Here we go again. Every year on December 16, David would relive the worst day of his life. From weeping at the top of his lungs, cutting his wrists, and smashing his windshield with a sledgehammer, things always turned violent on this day. His life was so great in his thirties. He was once famous, a household name. But now his life was a complete mess - he was middle aged, divorced, and alone. He grabbed his telephone and threw it with so much force it shattered into many pieces as soon as it hit the door. Many emotions were ringing around in his chaotic mind. With his chest heaving in and out, he got up and ran towards the door. He was going to run out and stand in the rain. With his hair messed up and face covered in tears, he looked through the transom. Was it his imagination or was she really there? He looked back inside and then out again. She was still there. What was she doing there on the anniversary of their break up? What would she think when she saw what a mess he was even after twenty years of being apart? They hadn't seen each other for so long, it made him go crazy wondering why she was here. She screwed him up, she's why he's such a mess, she's the reason for the hardest day in his life, he thought. After her, it was impossible to fall in love again. So why would he open the door? Without much thought, he swung open the door, his eyes not meeting hers. He was so choked up no words came out when he attempted to speak. The longer they stood facing each other, the faster and heavier his breathing became. The longer they stood facing each other, the harder and harder it got to hold back her tears. They stood face to face for a long while which felt like hours to her and years to him. He wished she would leave so he could hang himself. Eventually her eyes met his and she fought back enough tears for her to slowly whisper,
"I had an epiphany."
His eyes rested on the soulless cloud above her head. For five beautiful years, they were one. He knew what she meant every time she spoke. He could feel her thoughts among his mind all the time. But at this moment, he didn't understand. He didn't feel connected to her in any way. He didn't want to see her face yet he wanted to hug her and console her. He felt like the inside of his mind was scrambled around. She was beautiful yet her presence felt toxic. He felt the sudden urge to grab her and rub her all over him but inside, he wasn't in control of himself and didn't move, his chest still heaving up and down and tears streaming down his lifeless face. He pressed his hand against her dewy forehead and felt the crisp, icy moisture on her skin.
"You're cold. Come inside." he found it inside himself to say those words.
He put his hands on her shoulders and guided her to his couch.
"Why are you here?" He said surprisingly calmly but sternly. He placed his hand on hers and looked her in the eye.
"How do I put this..." her voice was shaking. "You said you had an epiphany." he said, trying his best to keep his voice stable to not add to her vulnerability.
"I realized that my life's headed the wrong way. It's headed straight into a dead end."
"How do you mean?"
"David, you know how it was before. We were spoiled and we took advantage of it. We never realized how much it was worth until it was gone."
He nodded but his mind was elsewhere. He had dreamed of reuniting with her for all those years and it was finally upon him; thinking about it in the moment really scared him. He may have seemed serene on the outside, but that was just an act to calm Jennifer. Inside him, David was filled with stress, woe, and neurosis. Talking to her reminded him of talking to her all those years ago. Except talking to her then was fun and easy and now it was trying and strenuous.
David, I'm sorry! Please let me go!
No! No! I'm begging you! I can't imagine my life without you!
The conversation played every day in his mind; he never went to sleep without reciting it word for word in his head.
"So Jennifer, you were saying-" Instantaneously he found her asleep in his arms. "Jennifer!"
He lifted her off of him gently and set her head on the end of the couch, graciously placing a pillow under her head and grabbing the nearest quilt to cover her with.
David sat down on the floor watching her sleep. He couldn't believe this had happened. He put his hands on his face and replayed everything that had happened in his mind. "Jen, you're making me insane..." he whispered into her ear. Heading into the kitchen, David grabbed a pan, a stick of butter, and two eggs. He proceeded to attempt making scrambled eggs, which is a challenge for him. After all, he is insanely rich from being an actor and has almost never cooked his own food.