Moments Built Upon Words

Roots

Here's to the upset stomachs that don't understand why their body is so messed up

Here's to clenched jaws and drawn throats holding back all the tears that I could ever muster

Here's to the gritted teeth and pounding headaches that come after

Here's to the tired, heavy eyes and broken glances trying not to remember how it felt that night

Here's to never letting myself be that fucking dumb again

Here's to building up walls that are more than bulletproof

Blocking in windows and barring them up, removing doors so if this tower burns down

I go down with it

Here's to sore muscles in places I never knew existed because I've never held my body so still as if one move could send the tide rolling

Here's to parts of my heart I didn't even get to know because good things never last long when you're a responsible person

Here's to the broken gears in my head that finally started turning and working again that are now bodies littering the floor

To the happy bursts of sparks that died a quiet and unnoticed death

That their existence wasn't known by anyone but me anyways so why would their absence make a difference?

I think the hardest part of letting go of something you held so tightly in your balled-up hand for none to see is that when a tree falls in a forest and there's no one around to hear it

It was never standing in the first place

Like its descent to the ground could have been decades ago but those that come after will never really know

They will never truly understand why that tree was so important or why it ripped up so much more than its roots when it fell

The truth is, that tree was what held me together in the first place

Its roots ran the deepest and were the strongest of my forest

Every other tree is so shallow rooted I can't even lean against their form without disturbing their stance

That tree was my core, it was the best part of me and now all that's left is mere firewood that'll slowly rot and die until it's insides are hollow and not even a fire will dare touch its dampen guts from all the years of misery that it lays on the forest floor

To you, it's just useless ash, but to me it was all the rickety tree houses filled with secrets of the girl next door

It's the worn limb where a tire swing could have hung

It's those lanky branches shed when the wind blew too hard, old baggage it could no longer bear

It's those endless rings that run around and around your inside parts, encircling you into a cyclone of experience, love, pain and so much more

It wasn't just a tree and you weren't just a person

You were so much more

S.W.