The Delivery Boy(boyxboy)

Chapter 24 : Dreams and Desires.

We were crazy to think
Crazy to think that this could work
Remember how I said I'd die for you?

We were stupid to jump
In the ocean separating us
Remember how I'd fly to you?

And I can't talk to you when you're like this
Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town
I'm New York City
I still do it for you, babe

They all warned us about times like this
They say the road gets hard and you get lost
When you're led by blind faith
Blind faith

But we might just get away with it
Religion's in your lips
Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship
We might just get away with it
The altar is my hips
Even if it's a false god
We'd still worship this love
We'd still worship this love
We'd still worship this love

-

Xavier

Do you ever wake up feeling hung over when you haven't even drunk the night before? Your mind is hazy, everything is too loud, your limbs feel heavy - and you just know something crazy happened that you're gonna regret really soon.

That's exactly how I felt.

My mind scattered to collect thoughts running wild - unwilling to be compartmentalized. My hands instinctively went for my phone, and the weirdest of things happened then - there was a thrum of disappointment when there was no text, or call from someone in particular.

Axel

I went through my phone once again, my fingers delicate with hope over something so seemingly insignificant, so silly. But it didn't feel that way. Because suddenly all I could think of was him. Him the day before. Stars. The stars on his body.

His body

His voice. When he said those words. When he told me he loved me. And when I said it back.

A strong surge of something shocked my body all of a sudden. I could hear my heart beat in my ears, could feel it in other places. My eyes closed on their own as I thought of our hug.

My arms had been around his waist, and his around my neck. For the first time since I'd met him, he was giving me all of himself. There was no hesitation, there was no fear - there was just pull. The sort of pull neither of us could fight back against - maybe we both were too weak, maybe we just didn't want to. 

I could feel the shape of his  body. I wonder if he could feel my hands on his lean, firm waist. I wonder if he knew how good - how safe - it felt to have my face in his neck - with a dull, constant ache for more.

My eyes suddenly flashed opened. I was confused. What the actual fuck was I doing? Why was I thinking about him in this way? Why did it come to me so naturally - to want him?

What the fuck?

Shaking my head a bit too hard, I jumped out of bed and walked straight in my bathroom. A cold shower. These weird, overwhelming feelings would go away. My mom was still in the hospital. I hadn't resolved things with my sister. My life was like a messy room I had to clean, and here I was - staring out the window, at a blue sky. Day dreaming.

The cold water running over my skin halted my thoughts temporarily - a freezing barrier to my confusing, burning desires. I stayed in the shower for as long as I possibly could, unaware of and unbothered by the time. I wanted to wallow. I wanted to dig deep, and find my sorrows again - there was safety in them. It felt wrong not to. When everything was always wrong - every time anything went even slightly right, you tried to go back to finding your normal. Your default. Your sorrows.