Arabelle Lock (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 14

“So, I suppose I can assume that this session will be similar to our last session? Unless of course you've changed your mind about talking about what happened to you?”

“Of course. You didn't think I'd cave on the second date, did you doc?” I reply with a grin and a head tilt. The man across from me sighs, adjusting his position in the large squishy chair he's seated in. I'm lounging in the small love seat across from him with another big chair sitting between us to the right, his desk facing us a couple yards away to the left. Other than the fact that he's sitting in one of the most uncomfortably comfortable furniture pieces created on this plane of existence instead of sitting behind his desk, the room is exactly what I'd expect from the office of a psychologist, right down to the soothing earthy decor and colors.

It was sickening.

“That's okay. We can talk about it when you're ready, I don't want you to feel pressured. However, I do hope that today you might consider... actually talking to me, unlike last week when you only spoke during the 3 minutes it took for you to tell me that you weren't going to talk about the issue at hand,” he suggests hopefully. I keep my eyes glued to the wall behind him, not responding. He sighs once again before leaning back in his chair, prepared for another 50 minutes of my silence. “Very well, then.”

It's not that I don't think I'll ever talk to Dr. Raines. I'm sure sooner or later I'll cave and open up to him. But for now, I'm much more comfortable in my silence.

The past two days have been a complete mess in my house. Ever since I came out with the truth to my parents, it's been a living hell. At first there were tears, lots of tears, laden with impossible questions and soggy hugs. Now there's just silence. Mom walks around like a zombie, flinching every time she sees me, and Dad isn't much better. I can actually see the pain that they're in when they're around me, no matter how much they struggle to hide it from me. I'm their reminder of what happened, and I can see that guilt and sadness in their eyes. They were crushed by the truth, as I knew they would be, and I've been walking around with that weight on my shoulders ever since. One load was removed from my shoulders only to be replaced with a new one.

We spoke for hours after they read the letter. After the hysteria, the I-love-you's, the I'm-sorry's, the oh-god's, and of course the silent moments where they just stared at me with this tortured look in their eyes, they decided that they were going to find a therapist for me to sort this all out and figure out what steps had to be taken. I didn't bother fighting them about it. Anything to make this easier on them.

Lily and Marissa have noticed the change in my attitude, since I've been emotionally drained for the past two days, but they don't press for details. They assume I'll tell them what's up on my own eventually, and I suppose I'll get around to that soon enough.

I have also noticed Charlotte's recurring appearance at our lunch spot lately, but I haven't said anything about it. Whatever she had stuck up her ass seems to have been surgically removed, and she seems pleasant enough now. Lily seems to have some kind of weird attraction to the retired demon spawn anyway, and she's Marissa's family, so I've let it be for now. As long as they're happy.

So, this is where I find myself now. In a psychologist’s office, who is being paid by our insurance, staring at anything but him as I wait for 5pm.

Twenty minutes in, he breaks the silence.

“You know, like I said last time, we can talk about anything. You don't have to be completely silent.” I consider his words. I've remained silent because I know that once I start talking to him, I'll start feeling more comfortable around him, and that will lead to me opening up sooner rather than later, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to instigate that chain reaction. However, after another 5 minutes of him openly staring at me, his silent gaze becomes too uncomfortable.