I Promise You'll Get Better

Three

The next few days over the week were almost exactly the same. Dashi knew her friends were there for her, but it didn't stop her having panic attacks in the middle of the night and frequently fainting because of them. She would wake up just under an hour later, mind hazy, wondering why she was sweating so much and shivering at the same time. Then everything would come crashing down on her and it took all her strength to stop the same thing happening again.

But it did. It was something about the oppressive darkness of the night that scared her. It surrounded her, crushing her, dragging out all her worries and fears and burying away all the happy thoughts she clung onto at night. Despite the songs pulsing in her headphones, she would burst into tears, her cries drowning out the music. Either Tweak or Shellington would be there in seconds—but it felt like eternity, lying there, struggling to comprehend what was going on.

One night, Dashi was curled up in her bed, staring out into the dark Sick Bay. Already, a sweat was breaking out on her forehead. She didn't want to wake Shellington up before she broke down again... but how was she going to control it? What could she do?

Focus, she told herself. Focus on something happy, something positive.

The Octopod. Her treasured crew. Tweak. Shellington. The ocean. Photography. Listening to music. Reading. Hanging out with the Octonauts, her second family.

The darkness seemed to shrink a little. She found she wasn't sweating anymore, but her chest still felt tight. If she was finding it difficult to breathe...

Sydney. Her old home. Beach days. Hot chocolate and readathons on winter nights. Her family. Her cousins. Dani. Koshi.

Dashi closed her eyes again, the panic still building up slowly.

Focus on a memory. A single, happy memory. Think, Dashi, think!

"You're doing brilliantly, Dashi."

It was only then she realised Shellington was next to her. She couldn't see him properly, but she could feel his soft hand gripping hers.

"I-I'm not," Dashi gasped. "I-I can't concentrate..."

"Concentrate on what?"

"I-I thought... if I focused o-on happier memories, then I w-would feel l-less scared, more a-able to c-control myself..."

"Want some help?" Shellington said.

Dashi smiled wanly. "I can't let you lose any more sleep over me."

"I can't let you lose any more sleep, full stop," Shellington countered. Dashi's shoulders slumped. She blinked gratefully.

"OK."

Shellington switched on the light and Dashi slowly sat up, Shellington gently assisting her. His arms felt warm around her, his breath hot on her cheek. She could feel her body quaking—and not just from the efforts of keeping her panic down.

But Shellington was having a strangely calming effect on her. Her chest was loosening slowly, her breaths evening out.

"So. Let's find a memory. Something we can talk about, something strong. What were you thinking about?"

"Sydney," Dashi said, leaning back on her pillows. "And my family."

"Dani and Koshi?"

"Yeah. And my cousins, of course. I haven't seen them for ages!"

"When was the last time you saw them?" Shellington asked.

"I was fifteen. I know it seems a long time ago, but we chat a lot via email and social media. In fact, I didn't even know I had cousins till I was fifteen! It's a long story, but I eventually found out about them and we met up."