Im worthless, I'm fat it's my time to go.. these words circled my head for over 4 years, it was my self identity and still is.. end of November and very start of December 2018,, I was ready to be gone.. I knew it was going be my time.. I didn't care if my family and friends would be broken.. I felt ready to be gone out of this world.
I took one and then that one turned into many more.. after the third one i was gone i didn't feel anything I was numb,, I felt my eyes shut by the last few I took down my throat.. I thought I was dead.. gone.. forgotten. But no I woke up in the middle of a room with doctors screaming and my body attracted to wires.. I failed, my parents were a fade I saw them as a shadow I couldn't hear nothing than them moving their mouths I felt I was in a dream.. my pain in my chest and every breath I took felt stupid,, my lungs felt they were going to explode.
I shouldn't be here.
Im a girl that tried to end her life and she's still breathing she is a waist of oxygen.
Sounds became louder and more 'normal'
A younger looking doctor came closer to me and said (name) are you okay can you hear me? I tried my best to reply with yes.. she told me that I am lucky to be here right now, I felt so angry with my self that I wasn't dead it was my aim to be gone and it didn't work.. I failed.. fuck
