I’ve spent my life waiting and wondering how my life would turn out after all I’ve done to myself and to others I never really saw a future for myself all I saw was myself dead by 29 see when I was a kid I had big dreams of better things and a life I still wanted then I grew up a bit and I realized dreams weren’t enough things got bad as I got older then I realized it was me that wasn’t good enough by then I had stopped all my childish dreaming I was soon enraptured by nightmares constantly their allure trapping me in the dark for way too many sad years I wanted nothing more than to somehow escape myself made prison I wanted to get out but being out was scary I didn’t remember how to function in any other state of life I didn’t remember what it was like to be in the light again see in the light I’m visible able to be seen by anyone and everyone it’s an awful dichotomy a snake eating it’s own tail a vicious circle or cycle but then you were there noticing me because I was in that state you liked my darkness and I felt maybe you might understand my brand of fucked up and you did and I felt good with you around it was you brought a small candle of light into my dark bubble it shone so bright compared to all the surrounding shadows it was you reintroducing me to the brightness I’d denied myself for so terribly long my void corner of the world brightened because of you it was you reminding me how to be in the light how to be visible to the world again how to be out of that place it was you who enabled me to dream again and how to be brave and not so scared of everything and everyone all the time it was you who gave me hope that just maybe I can be enough to someone or for something it was you who made me laugh and smile for real without having to pretend after faking it for so long to so many people it was you who loved me when I couldn’t tolerate myself you who gave me the reason to find a reason to live it was you I’ve decided to love, as if I ever really could have helped myself, it was you who made me feel like me again not the hollow robotic version of myself I’d been reduced to it was you from the first day it was always you even when I desperately didn’t want it to be, it was you
