Spotless Mind; Soonhoon

05

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JIHOON WAKES UP not in his bed, but on Soonyoung's couch. He's got a vague memory of the night before - sitting idly and not knowing what to say, Soonyoung looking away every time Jihoon's eyes neared his. He can remember Soonyoung offering him his bed and him refusing it - why didn't he just go home? - and crying really hard into the couch cushions once he was sure Soonyoung was asleep.

" ... if we started from scratch, we could do things right, this time."

Where are they supposed to go from here? Jihoon barely stayed asleep throughout the night, and now he's awake with the morning light hitting his face, waiting for Soonyoung to wake up and bring him back to reality; when he's not around, Jihoon can almost pretend he's a ghost, haunting somebody else's house; once he comes downstairs, they'll have to work things out.

So, again. Where are they supposed to go from here?

When Jihoon thinks down to the very end of it all, he knows he still loves Soonyoung, he knows he doesn't want to leave him ... but they broke up for a reason, didn't they? Who's to say things won't go wrong a second time?

"Oh, you're awake. I was going to make us breakfast."

Jihoon flinches when he hears the voice behind him, caught off guard. "N-No, don't," he says, and pushes the blanket up closer to his eyes. "I'm not hungry." He can hear Soonyoung sigh, and his voice gets distant when he moves into the kitchen.

"Are you mad at me?" he asks.

"I mean ... I'm not happy with you."

"Yeah, that's understandable."

He doesn't say anything after that, and there's a clinkering sound as Soonyoung moves around to make his coffee. He comes back into the room a few minutes later, passing Jihoon his mug. "I know this doesn't fix anything, but I'm sorry. Again."

Jihoon stares at the drink a moment before sipping, almost carefully, like it's going to burn his tongue, but it's actually made exactly the way he likes it. He frowns. Soonyoung's probably known how to make his coffee for years, now.

"I mean it, you know."

"I do know."

"You're being so quiet I can't - I wasn't sure if you got it."

"I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

Jihoon takes another sip, letting the blanket fall a little and feeling the chill hit his chest. His eyes burn, and his skin itches where the salt has dried. "We can't go back to how we were before," he says. "I wish we could, but we can't."

"We can try."

"And we'll fail, and we'll both be hurt even more. I'm not up for that."

Soonyoung moves slowly, unseen by Jihoon but audible, taking short steps before making his way around to the front of the couch. He stares at the empty spot, and Jihoon hesitantly moves the blanket and cushions to make more space for him to sit. When he does, their thighs touch.

"I won't press you," he says, and Jihoon's heart feels like it's caught between a clamp. "I'm not gonna screw you over more than I already have, but I - can I tell you something?"

" ... Yeah. Go for it."

"Okay, so. I know you're not big on like, spiritual stuff, but think about it - like, really think about it, and please don't get mad at me - "