Jay's Diary

Chapter 3

And I just smiled at her not saying a thing I mean what we had last night was so private I didn't want her knowing my business. But she went on and on about how Troy and her had sex and it was decent but not the best she ever had. I think Jaz a hoe forreal like no petty shit y'all because the way she carry herself around you could just see it in her walk.The details were unbearable like they was so nasty and I just couldn't believe she would have sex with a guy that only knew for only two days. I mean I'm not judging but still that was nasty. Okay so maybe I am judging but I have the right too. I got up because my first class because freshmens were doing this activity on campus today before all the upperclassmen come back. Jaz and I met up with Troy and Khalil at the rec center where all the other freshmens and new comers were standing in the middle of the basketball court. It was fun you know meeting new people and open me out of my shell. Before I knew it I had three more friends. They names were Tearah which was an average biracial girl, a boy named Michael who was gay and who could dress for his life, and last but not least a pretty jawn May. She was so beautiful, and stole the spotlight from whoever had it before she arrived. She had a light about her that just made you want to be around her. She was everything a average girl wanted to be.
We was sent back to our rooms after being held prisoners in the stinky hot gym for a hour and a half. I went in my room and thres myself in my bed and everything went blank. I woke up to my phone vibrating variously next to me. "Come the fuck outside bitch so we could go to the cafe" Jaz voice reached through the phone grabbing my ear drum. I got up and went down. And of course she wasn't alone but with a random guy that wasn't Troy. I didn't even bother asking who the new guy was because I honestly didn't care. As we walked to the cafe Jaz was being all over the boy I mean the only thing that was stopping her from having sex with him right there and then was a condom was missing. Finally we touched down in the cafe where all the bullshit ass food was. I was texting my little sister and bumped into a brick wall for a person, falling on my ass. "Damn shawty, you good" the boy said putting out his hand to help me up. I grabbed his hand lifting my body up, he apologized even tho I ran into him, and before I was about to walk away when he called out shawty what's ya number. But I kept walking putting my headphones in blasting my music up. A few seconds went by then all I see Jaz going off on the guy that knocked me down. I took one headphone to see what was going on, the boy just walked away after Jaz said he a weak ass bitch. The random guy filled me in on how the guy was calling me a ugly slut and how nobody wanted your number anyways. And Jaz saw it and went off because she said she wasn't having nobody disrespect her friend.
"Hey, baby how you been" my mom said from the other side of the phone. I wanted to start crying because I missed her,dad, and Nicole. They was the only reason why I was here, I wanted to get us out of the hood. My little baby sister didn't need to grow up like I did. I want her to be around proper kids that's doing shit with their lives not around hood boogers who not tryna do nothing but sell drugs and drink. I don't want her in an environment where people get killed everyday. I mean it's hard enough being a black person in America but being in the hood takes it to a new level. That's why I was majoring in pre-med so I could make made bread right away. "I been good mommy where Coley" I asked because I haven't talked to her since yesterday which was weird because we talked all day everyday. She said she was out with Angel, which was her no good friend that I told her to stay away from but she never listen. I screaming at my mother for letting her go with that and how she need to be the parent when I'm not there. My mother isn't much of a mother but more like a friend. She don't want to set rules and boundaries with us so I did it when it came to Nicole. My father worked too much so it wasn't like he could step in and be the parent that she needed. Sometimes Nicole and I argue because she didn't like that I was playing the role of a mother for her. But it didn't stop me because if I would've let her do what she want she would've been pregnant like half of her friends or doing drugs and drinking. I didn't mind getting the backlash if that meant she could have an future.
When I got off the phone with my mother, I called Nicole but she let it ring out which pissed me off. So I called Angel who picked up rudely saying what you want Jayla and I just answered Coley with you. That's when she told me no Coley was with some boy she met the other day at his house. And boy I nearly had a heart attack, she was only 14 what was she doing at a boy house by herself. Let alone a boy that she just met. And her mother didn't even know where her daughter was, I was thinking about going back and transferring to a community college because she need someone there to guide her and my mother wasn't going to be that. I called her phone again praying that she would answer but she didn't. I broke down and started crying what the hell was she doing that she couldn't answer the phone. Who was this little nigga ? I hope she not having sex. God please don't let her be having sex.
Jaz wanted to go to this party and I wasn't in the mood but she kept nagging me about it. So I threw on some leggings and a plain shirt. Before leaving out for the party we pregame. We met up with Tearah, Michael , and most importantly May. Even tho I wasn't in the mood to go out I knew the night was gonna be lit. Instead of walking like every other student we took an Uber. When we arrived to the party is it was like a ghost town but then again we were really early. Once we paid to get in the party we started downing jungle juice. And I'm not gonna lie I'm was dumb lit I could barely stand but yet I was dancing my ass off. As the night went on I noticed that May went missing and I became worried. Tearah was bitching about it and we had to leave the party to search May and to find out later on that she was with this random guy from the party BMS like Tearah knew she went with the guy but she was just being a bitch. I could tell that Tearah was the type of female who didn't want nobody to have the upper hand on her. So if May was with a nigga then she wanted to be with a better nigga. And if not she take it out on everybody.
Jazz went her separate way when we got to the campus. I assumed that she about to go get dicked down. I started low key get jealous of this bitch like really hoe you on your second one already. Not that I want to be a hoe but I mean shorty clearly in the drought.I went in my room which was really messy because everybody pregaming in our room and as soon as I got in the bed my phone started ringing off the charts. I looked over look who it was but it was a blocked number. I usually don't answer block numbers but I had to make sure it wasn't Coley. "Hello, who dis" I asked while a short pause between us lingered. "Hey babe, how's college" Dominic voice reached through the slapping me right in the face. "What do you want nigga" I said trying not to break down in tears. Why was this nigga calling me, I have nothing to offer him no more the fuck do he want from me. "I was just tryna see how my baby doing LaLa" he was the only one that ever called me that and hearing now got under my skin. "Dominic I'm FINE" I came to the realization that I could hang up but my hands wouldn't let. It was like I was waiting for him to say the magical words "Take me back" and I would've been back in his arms at once. But instead he told me the same lie he always proclaim "Baby I love you more than this world and I fucked up, I know I fucked up but I have somethings I have to deal with baby before we get back together" he said slurring his words. "Are you drunk?" I asked as my voice started to crack. He laughed then followed another laughter in the background... a girl laugh. "Get off my phone Dominic and please don't call back, it's hard for me already and I just can't do this anymore" I said as the lump in my throat started to grow. "Man fuck you bitch" he said and followed a click. I broke down in tears and crawled into a ball. I wanted to die, why do he do this to me. I felt so dirty, I let this nigga hit on the first night for my first time. I'm so stupid, my skin felt distinguishing. I wish I could wash him off of me and everytime I look in the mirror I see a reflection of this nigga. When I met him, I said goodbye to myself. I was no longer a whole person that was complete by herself. But apart of me was missing and that was why I was so afraid to give my heart to another nigga. I didn't want to give all of me away to every nigga and they leave me with nothing, because at the end I was the one who ended up hurt and lost.This pain was killing all night up to me going to sleep.