Jay's Diary

Chapter 4

It's been awhile since I wrote in this but lemme give y'all an update me and khalil been pretty good lately. We have an understanding about not having titles such as girlfriend and boyfriend but we also know that we're only talking to each other. Jaz been good too like shorty done settle down with Troy and everything.

If I'm not mistaken they're going out and all. And far as me and her we got  mad close like this bitch always on my side if she not with Troy. We was two days away from christmas break and I was so excited to finally have a long break away from school. " Hey, it's coley ... I have something important to tell you. I'm kinda glad that you didn't pick up because I'm scared of your response but I'm pregnant.

And I know that you're going to be so disappointed in me but I'm so sorry Jay please don't be mad at me." this was the first time I ever checked my voicemail and Coley was one leaving crying and pleading with me. I didn't know I was crying until I felt the tears falling down to my chin, I felt my lungs close up making it hard for me to breath. How the hell did this happen? I mean I know how it happened but how could she let this happened.

I was bussing my ass off at school to get our family out of the hood and she went and did this to repay me. I was doing a major that I didn't even want but I was doing it for the money so she could have a better life. And she bring this bullshit about a baby, who's going to take care of the baby, she barely have a mother now. Who is going to help her raise a child.I can't stop my life because she wanted to spread her legs open for somebody who probably gonna be half ass father.

I was thinking about calling her back but I wouldn't know what to say to her, I couldn't find the words to say to her. The day went by without me noticing because I was caught up in my own little world.
        Today my mother was driving up to take me home, and where it was once a excitement was now fear. I was afraid that Coley possible wanted to keep the child and didn't weigh her options out. The ride back to Jersey was longest ride of my life the car was in complete silence for the whole hour and 30 minutes. I didn't even approach my mother as I got into the car. I wondered if she knew Nicole was pregnant or was she in the dark about the whole situation but I could tell by her being silent that she knew.

Finally reaching our destination I was in complete relief just to get out of that car and go straight to my room. Before I got to close my eyes in fall into a sleep comma a loud knock pounced on my door and follow someone opening the door. " Hey Jay Jay" Nicole said in a low soft like voice which not only reminded me that she was a baby but she was my baby. I didn't move .. I just laid there on stand still, hoping that she would just disappear because I had nothing to say to her. " I know you're up Jayla... please can we just talk" she said walking toward the bed now.

I swallowed my tears and turn around to look at her "what is there to talk about Nicole huh" I take a breathe and then continued " WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT" I was screaming from the top of my lungs now being in her face. Her head hanging down but I could tell from the noise escaping her she was crying. I didn't mean to make her cry but I was hurt I know she didn't get pregnant on purpose but her life was now over, the life I envisioned for her disappeared into thin air. I wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. But I didn't know if everything was going to be okay. So instead I left the room with her in the dark pouring tears onto her shirt.

        I had to get out this crazy house I needed my best friend. I walked over to Melani house which was a couple of blocks away from mine. " MELANI STANFORD" I yelled because this bitch was answering her phone. Her head poked out the window and then I heard a loud screech. Before I knew it the door flew open with her flying into my arms. "BITCH I CAN'T FUCKING DEAL I MISS YOU SO MUCH" she said yelling into my ear. When she released me from her strong hold we both started up to her room. "My bad girl it's a mess in here but I been working OD like these niggas tryna kill me on the low" she said laughing in a stress type of way.