Fourth Of July

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Jacks P.O.V

The next morning was a drag. I didn't want to go to school after everything that happened. I push Mark and he groans. I go and take a shower and think. I keep my head down as the water runs over my head, my ear not being able to hear small noises. Mark gets in behind me as his arms wrap around my waist. I pop my head up and push my hair back and rub my face. I turn in his arms and lay my head on his chest.

I knew our future was very uncertain and with the school issue, we didn't know where we stood. It was scary, I put my entire life and future on the line for this man. And I felt like we wouldn't go far.

"I'm going up there to try and talk to them about my job." Mark says to me and I nod and chew on my lip. "I can see the wheels turning. What's going on up there?" He ask and I sigh. "I don't know. All my life I've been told college is the only way for my future, and now it's like I don't have one." I say and Mark looks at me. "Don't blame me-" He starts but I stop him. "I'm not. Stop being self centered." I say frustrated. He sighs and lets me go and I shake my head and get out.

I dry off and think even more. It's almost like he doesn't understand. Who am I kidding, no one does. I'm too young to have my future messed up. And this is 100% my fault. I started everything. And I ruined it. Not only my future but everyone else's. Because of my path of destruction. I knew if I dropped out or didn't go to school, everyone would be mad because of how much they put into it. They all had faith in me. I never had faith. So I failed.

I go and get dressed and go downstairs and find breakfast. I knew I couldn't just go back to classes until Mark gets his job and my school figured out. I make eggs and he comes down and kisses my head. I could tell somethings bothering him. I hand his food over and sit. "Talk to me." I say.

He sighs and looks at me. "Sean," I knew anytime he said my name that way it was bad, "I don't know what this means for schooling and for you. And I'm sorry I can't give you a perfect future. I can try, but at the same time, you're going to have to start life early." He warns and I let out a stressed sigh.

He wasn't lying. I knew I would have to get money to find me finances and worry about what jobs I had available. "I know." I mutter and eat. "I need a smoke." I say after a while. I get up and go outside. It was colder outside than I remember. Hell, it's been so long since I've paid any attention to the world around me because I've been so wrapped around that mans finger. But I preferred it that way.

I sit on the steps and smoke, watching the smoke and my hot breath mix in the air. I scratch my head and stare off. I always had an interest in music. That could be fun. And I liked technical things. Because it always had a pattern, nothing new or exciting. I sigh and put my cigarette out and pull my hair. I'm already going grey.

I contemplate running away and finding a beautiful, warm, tropical life elsewhere. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around me. I take a deep breath and scream loudly at the top of lungs needing to let it out.

In my so many years of life I have learned that life doesn't always give you what you want. And that life has a difficult time putting you where you need to be. God didn't have a plan for you, and for every action, where it's eating that last fry or choosing happiness over sadness, everyone you meet happens for a reason. I do things without of second thought of the effects they will have later in life. I live with the intent I am invincible. That I can do no wrong. So yeah, maybe sometimes I drive a little faster on the road. And maybe I'll try that unnamed drink at the party and not remember who I am for hours. And maybe sometimes I'll choose to watch the sun set so I sleep better for when the sun rises. Because sometimes there's not always a tomorrow. And sometimes I have to remember I only have one life. And so far, this life has been made by my decisions. And for that, I believe Mark and I were meant to be together forever. No matter what.

Part Two Coming Soon