WHAT I REMEMBER: A FICTIOAUTOBIOGRAPHY

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Me: Mama, ada assignment mi. Kasatnu kayu kanu nagkita kini Daddy?

Mama: (Silent.)

Me: Mama!

Mama: (Walks out.)

Translation: Somebody asked about the lovelife of somebody and the other somebody does not want to answer.

Itogon, Benguet- It all started one day. No, its not night or dusk or dawn but on the broad light of the day.

The night before, my mother, who unfortunately, I did not know why, what were my grandparent's thinking, whose name was Tecla, was planning to join some neighbours to the cemetery even if she has no relatives there. Both her parents died and were buried in Natonin.

At dawn, however, the pain started and she woke my father, who, awkwardly, too, what were my other grandparents thinking, was named Dalmacio. He grumbled and told her to go back to sleep until my mother screamed, its time.

So he had to pull himself up from the bed, scramble himself up to his pants, and gripe at my mother, what should I bring?

My mother screamed, Meeee , to the hospital.

When they reached the hospital, there were no doctors available, they were all busy tending to sickness and accidents. Of course the all, was three, it is a small hospital by the way.

One nurse told my mother, let us wait for the doctor and my mother shrieked, the baby is not waiting for no doctors so a midwife has to be summoned. The nurse said, a doctor must be here but the midwife said, let us ask the patient to push then decide later.

And so my mother pushed and writhed, writhed and pushed but I held on to the warm room. No, I can't get out to that bright cruel world where people kill people and call it holy wars and crusades, where people rob, directly or indirectly, other people and feed , even spoil their children with the loots and call it love, where people abuse their bodies, minds and talents and call it freedom.

Yeah, I knew all about these things. One wise sperm told us.

So when it was time for the Race, no one, among us millions, almost wanted to get on with it. But for some reason, we were pushed by gravity, that is also one word, the wise sperm told me in private. It was when he was about to tell me the basics of Chemistry and Physics that the gravity came on. And we were pushed. For some reason, we reached the egg, he was first, I was second. Thank goodness, I thought my own spermself, he'll be The One. But since he was wise, and I forgot to mention, also a smart ass, he told me, okay kid, I'd rather die, spermwise and sagacious that I am, so get ahead be The One, then pushed me towards the egg.

I hate him. Not only because he pushed me but because he did not teach me enough about Chemistry and Physics and Algebra and Engineering and Cooking and Gardening and Cosmetology and all the other practical things in the world that could have helped me survived better.

But he taught me enough about gravity. And I knew I had to let go because sooner or later the warm room will get colder and the supplies will get dry and I'll be pushed by some metal and that is even more dangerous than holding on. So I had to let go. So I did.

When I got out I wanted to laugh, just to be different, and I did, but well, it sounded like cries to the big shadowy creatures and they started crooning on me.

" She is small" I heard. So I am a she.

One serious voice told them, she needs to be tested, this one is weak.

Sssshhhh, I knew it. I should have joined the others when they were out exercising and eating the proper supplies. But the wise one always held me up, hoping, the we, both of us, will get weaker and lose the race. That smart ass. I know I should be praying for his sperm soul but I just can't. Here I am, alone in this bright cruel world and what good are his advices now?

Then a rough, knobby warm hands held me and brought my mouth to a thing that gave me the supplies. Oh, well, maybe it's not that bad at all.

By the way, it is November 1. Daylight.The first day of my life.