Before Her Very Eyes

Chapter 4

Five years ago..

"Mom, why are you marrying him if you don't love him?" Arin asked.

"You'll understand when you're older," her mother said as she put on the diamond earrings her fiance had gifter her the other day.

"Is it really only because he's rich?"

"Well, no," she answered with more hesitation that Arin would have liked. "He's kind. And he loves me, truly."

"But he's been divorced two times already! There must be a reason for it. Don't put yourself through that just for money. We don't have to be rich."

"Arin, please! Stop this," her mother scolded. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

"It shouldn't be hard!" Arin yelled. "Marriage is supposed to be easy and happy and amazing. Please mom, we can fend for ourselves. I won't buy merch or go to concerts anymore, I promise. I won't even buy chocolate anymore. I can go do some part-time work after school and..."

"No, Arin. I don't want that for you. I want you to be able to buy as much merch as you want, and go to as many concerts as you want. I want you to have the world, my darling. And through this marriage, I could give you the world. And Jitae will be good to you. He likes you, you know."

"But I don't like him. He's... he's scary. His whole family is scary."

"I know," Arin's mom replied. "But no one's perfect, Arin."

-

Arin had to tell ~ about what happened to Joshua. Her trembling fingers were barely able to type as she told the mage what had happened through a text message. I killed him. It was an accident. I don't know what to do. I want to die.

Oh Arrie, ~ texted back a few seconds later. I'm coming over immediately. And, as if she knew exactly what was going on in Arin's head, she added, It's not your fault. Please know that. You didn't kill anyone.

Arin did not believe that. Of course she killed him. She knew that saying his name would kill him, and she still chose to say it. Arin felt like a monster, the one that Joshua seemed to think that she was right before he died. The look in his fading eyes said it all, loud and clear, no words necessary. "What have you done to me?" his eyes had screamed. "Why do you stand there and watch me die? You killed me."

Of all the people she had to watch die before her very eyes, Joshua was the only one who seemed to have made that judgement, because his dying gaze was the only one that bore into her soul so harshly.

She wished she could have explained herself to him and made him aware that there was dark magic at work here—that darkness did not come from only her. Maybe he would forgive her if he knew.

When Arin felt her muscles loosen, she knew that the enchantment was being lifted, meaning that ~ was entering the building and making her way up the stairs. Arin waited patiently for a while before she heard ~'s heavy breathing and laborious footsteps climbing up the stairs.

She finally made it and pushed through the vinyl door, rushing toward Arin to hug and console her.

~ was a relatively large woman with very long jet black straight hair that covered her entire back, much unlike Arin's frizzy mess of hair that was never properly cared for. ~ also had a really young, round, and innocent-looking face, the kind that people feel natural affinity for. She seemed so soft and approachable, and for this reason alone, Arin had always found ~ very beautiful.

Arin buried her face into her friend's shoulder, crying out what's left of her tears. ~ held her, rubbing her back in gentle reassurance, and tapping her foot in a rhythmic manner as she often did.

Something about ~ had always felt comforting to Arin. She exuded a warm, contagious kind of energy that made her whole presence comfortable and happy. Arin had assumed that it was because ~was a mage, but ~ had told her that magic was not pleasant nor sweet.

"Why do you think magic has such a bad name, historically?" ~ had told her. "Shamans were seen as evil, magicians were doing the work of the devil, and witches were burned at the stake. Magic is corruptive, and it feels heavy and burdensome when you wield it. It's not the blissful white sparkles you see in Disney movies."

If it wasn't ~'s magic that was making Arin's broken heart feel more whole, it was probably just her aura as a person.

A knock on the door disturbed the momentary peace, and Jeonghan's loud and obnoxious voice came booming. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CLEANING THE STAIRS, MISSY. WHERE ARE YOU?"

"I'll talk to him, Arrie. You just rest," ~ told her. ~ shooed Meemo to hide behind the closet before opening the front door.

"Hello, Jeonghan," ~ said.

"Where's the missy? Slacking off?"

"No. Arin is grieving the loss of someone. Please excuse her from work for a few days to recover."

"Oh... well," Jeonghan scoffed. "Out of the kindness of my heart I will allow the missy a few hours to 'recover' or whatever. After that she has to get back to cleaning. I don't pay her to snooze." And he left.

Arin hated him. Even in the severest of slumps, when her mind was preoccupied with matters far more consequential, he still made her feel that hatred even more.

She was indeed forced to work the following day, no matter how bloated her face was from crying so much the previous night. He made her mop the staircase and wipe the dust off the chandelier. He made her clean his apartment and do his laundry, no concern for her mental wellbeing whatsoever. And when a tenant complained of a plumbing problem, he sent Arin to try and fix it, even though she knew nothing about plumbing. She was only able to get by watching YouTube videos about it.

Strangely however, although it drained her, it did help her cope to have so much she had to do so soon after witnessing the terrible event. Focusing on cleaning and dusting and laundry helped her avoid re-imagining that dying purple face.

Still, she wished she could just escape Jeonghan's clutches for once. She wished she could hide. But he had the keys to her home, and cameras on the staircase and lobby. There was no where for her to hide.

She could have left the building, but Arin had resolved to never leave it again. She could not witness someone die like that, and so she was determined to never put herself in a situation where there was a risk of facing such a trauma again. That meant never leaving the building, never getting to know new people.

It also meant becoming very dependant on ~, who frequently visited to bring Arin things like food (for cats and for humans), toiletries, and even that new Chilli photobook that was recently released in stores.

In addition, ~ brought her the news about what happened to Joshua. The police had found the body, and an autopsy was conducted to determine the cause of his death. The police report concluded it was natural heart failure, which is interestingly the exact same conclusion reached about the other three victims.

This incident had provoked so many painful flashbacks for Arin. Cleaning, Meemo, and ~ helped her get through it, but Chilli was actually her primary coping mechanism. When it felt like her life would never be the same again, Chilli gave her the sense of normalcy she needed to move on. Simply just opening her fandom social media accounts, scrolling through fancams and photos, watching their reality shows, and interacting with her online friends—it all made her feel like the world was not as different as it was before, and that her Chilli would remain the same no matter what ordeal became too unbearable.

The days dragged on, and Arin could feel herself get better with time. It could never be the same as it was before, but it was better, and for now that was enough.