Jade

0.5

Home. We associate the word home with the feeling of comfort, a place that we could be who we are and not have to worry about being constantly judged or about being confined to the boundaries that society declares 'acceptable'. Home is the place where we can drop our façades and be who we really are.

But sometimes the place that's supposed to make us feel like we belong does the opposite. It makes feel more like strangers to this world than anywhere else.

I started to lock my room when I first started to realize that just because you live in a house doesn't make it a home. I decided that I needed to have a safe space in a world that was crumbling around me. I was 8 years old. My grandpa had just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Mom started to act different ... distant. Who could blame her she was watching her father, the only person to really truly understand her, slowly forget who she was... who he was.

Of course, I didn't understand what was happening, just that my mother was sad.

Sometimes I think the reason she pushes us to be 'the perfect family' is because that's a

distraction from how completely and utterly imperfect it is.

It's been especially bad since Zane passed. Any cracks in the illusion of perfection would bring her to the brink of total and utter breakdown. She feels the constant need to be in control, the fact that she can't be ... it breaks her. That's why she is constantly arranging and rearranging rooms, that's why she was constantly cleaning ... that's why when I heard her voice from downstairs I knew I was screwed.

"JADE!!"

The "monster" had woken up.

"GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE YOUNG LADY!"

I lazily got up from my comfy spot on my bed. To anyone else my mom was scary but to me she was just plain 'extra'.

"How may I help you mother?" I replied calmly when I finally got downstairs. This only made her angrier.

And then she was deathly calm.

"Did you or did you not skip most of your classes?"

"I did." I said equally calm.

"May I ask what you were thinking? Why did you skip class?"

"No, you may not." And with that I turned to go to the kitchen to get a snack.

After about 2 seconds I heard the sound of swiftly turning heels.

"JADE LYNN JOHNSON GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

2 seconds more usual... I'm impressed.

"Mother there really is no reason to raise your voice." I said 'innocently'. This just brought her to the brink. And with that I walked out the door.

I heard her screaming her my name. As the sun set I could feel her devilish smile appearing on my face. She was taking over ... there was nothing I could do about it.