Second Chances

Chapter 4: Sorry, Sorry

2016.

"I want to talk to Ian but I'm scared."  I nervously look at Noelle.  Standing at the end of line during our late night snack time in a small group of campers.  "I don't know if he even wants to talk to me."  I think back on our entire week at camp.

I was so excited to be back at church camp after a whole school year that all I could think about was making new friends.  Months after trivia crack, Ian and I got closer.  We talked everyday and every night.  I was constantly on my phone, no doubt texting Ian.  We had a strong friendship going.  I even confessed that I liked him.

I got rejected with him saying, "Now my point of view changed."  

I didn't know what that meant, I still don't know what it means.  But before this week, I knew my spot was right next to him, and even though Ian doesn't like me back, it was okay because I was still able to be around him.  But being next to him all the time became a routine and I took that privilege for granted.  And this week showed that. 

I don't want to talk to him, but I know that this talk is necessary.  Swallowing my pride, I fearfully make my way to Ian. "Ian, can I talk to you?"

"Am I being a bad friend?"  I ask this question because a week prior while I was in Hawaii for vacation, I asked him the same question.  He told me that I was because I was too selfish.  I only cared about what I wanted.  This past week, I was a bad friend again, even after I promised him I would change.

Ian slowly nods his head.  A rock sinks to the bottom of my stomach.  I look at the environment around me.  We are sitting on a picnic table on a wooden deck with fairy lights hanging above us; redwood trees surround us and our cabins in the distance.  Our backs against everyone else enjoying their last night at camp.  Beautiful.  Except, I couldn't see this beauty--my eyes are filled with something else: tears.  "I know I promised you that I wouldn't be a bad friend and here I am doing the same thing."

"It's ok."

"But it's not.  I told you that I would change, that I wouldn't put  anyone else before you. I told you that you were too important to me to let you go.  But I did, again.  I took you for granted."  Christopher was someone who I had a major crush on back in middle school but I only saw him over the summer, I would always replace Ian when I saw Chris; but he wasn't in the picture anymore, Brian was.  Over the week as I was meeting new people, I met this new guy, Brian.  He gave me a lot of attention, which I can't even deny liking, I loved the new attention.  Ian saw this and backed off.  I didn't realized that Ian was getting jealous because I was ogling over Brian.  I didn't second guess anything because I knew that my spot was next to Ian.  

I don't know if that's the case anymore.  Ian looks pretty hurt.  I blink the tears away, why am I the one on the verge of crying?  It's my fault that I'm in this situation with Ian.  Keep.  Them.  In. "I'm sorry."  One tear slowly rolls down my face.  Then another.  And another.  

The night turns into day and we get ready to leave.  Everyone meets where the buses are and starts to take pictures.  Great, my eyes are all puffy from last night.  How am I supposed to take pictures.  This time, I don't know where my spot is?  I take a picture with all the people I met this past week. Does Ian want to take a picture with me?  Where even is he?  

Walking up the few steps of the bus, my eyes subconsciously find Ian's.  He's sitting in the very last row, all the way at the end of the bus next to the window, looking at me with sadness in his eyes.  The seat to the right of him is taken by Ethan. My seat.

|

That week, I lost my best friend.

|Author's Note|

Hi!  If you like my story, don't forget to click that star and leave a comment.  Much appreciated!

Nikwong307