1 for the words he said. 2 for the bruises he gave me. 3 for my stupidity and making the mistake of loving him over and over again. It's the only answer. I'll hurt myself with the sting of a rusted blade just like he cut me with what he calls "love". I always thought he was the one I was going to live with forever and love until our souls leave this Earth. But Austin's soul? His soul is way too cold and heavy with sin. It's amazing he's still alive. How could I have been so stupid? It's all my fault. I need to scream and cry. But nobody needs to know. I'll just hold it in. However, I can't control the hot salty rivers flooding from my eyes.
"Just breath, and inhale the smell of weakness. That's enough for now," I whisper to myself.
"Mia? Are you alright? Dinner's ready!" my mom yelled up the stairs.
"I'm not hungry!" I lied, in a minor voice.
I was hungry. Starving, actually. Austin was always nagging me about my weight: calling me fat, eating my food on dates: starving myself has become my own stupid sickening habit. The last thing I ate was probably a jelly bean yesterday from breakfast. At least I'm skinny. Austin was right. I am a stupid bitch. Why should a woman make all the decisions? I should've gotten the right kind of cigarettes for him. I can hear his words sprinting through my head: You fat bitch! These aren't Marlboro! What do you think I'm trying to accomplish? Go get me a beer before I...
That was when he struck me. I remember my cheek was stained pink. I covered it up with makeup when it bruised. How did I cope in the mean time? 5 Seconds of Summer. That's how. Their music helps me keep breathing. I love them. I love them. I love them. The words that come from their perfect ass mouth makes me come out from my hiding place. I'm practically obsessed with them. Austin would absolutely despise me if he knew I still listened to them. He says that they're nothing but bull shit. Just then, my mom knocked on the bathroom door.
"Mia? Come down stairs. It's your birthday, remember? We have a surprise for you."
I forgot. Today's my 17th birthday. I should be celebrating. I just broke up with Austin! No more pain! Except for the new cuts to come. I still hate myself.
"I told you I wasn't hungry. Please just leave me alone."
"No, come downstairs. You're going to regret it if you don't."
"I'm really not in the mood, mom."
"Are you doing drugs?"
"I'll be down in a minute."
That was her excuse for everything. If either my brother or I isolate ourselves from the family, she thinks we're doing drugs. Then, immediate groundation.
I hid my blade in a fake drawer, and fixed my makeup. Before I disappear downstairs, I take one last look in the huge ass mirror. I look....pretty is how my mom would describe it. I dressed my face in black eyeliner with a wing, and plenty of mascara. My lips are painted a shiny pink, and my black lip-ring piercing is in a perfect position. My auburn hair is styled punkish, but I curled it today. It is my birthday. My jeans are ripped, but not in a bad way. Last but not least, a gray lace tank top and a hoodie. Let's go.
