[Discontinued] Peril of Choices and Falling

Prologue

One sided love is not your fault,

or theirs.

It just is, and always will be

a cause of heartache.

In which you will drown,

until you find someone who

loves you enough to save you

from your own sea of tears.

2020

He remembers that it was a memorable day, his first solo FM and a celebration of his 25th birthday. It was a good day - he had his por with him, he was among his beloved fans, away from the bustles of Bangkok and all the baggage he just wants to forget for now. It started out like any other event, the fans throwing out questions he tried so hard to answer in as fun but vague manner as he could, not wanting to give anything too personal away.

Then came the innocent query that led him to where he is today – in a state of confusion, with his heart, as clichéd as it sounds, torn in two directions.

When he was asked to choose between the one he loves and the one who loves him, he unexpectedly gave a straightforward answer, surprising even himself. He ends up choosing the second option.

When asked for the reason behind his choice, he vaguely thought "in for a dime, in for a dollar", and once again gave an honest reply. He knows himself well enough, knows how his mind works and his heart operates – he gets attached to people, so he knows that sooner or later, his feelings will develop and he'll eventually love that person back. The one he loves though, he doesn't know when or if they'll ever love him back – and since it's been 4 years and no sign beyond that of an affection towards a beloved P', he might as well be waiting on forever.

It's kind of tragic, when he thinks about it – pining for someone for so long, knowing he'll never be loved the way he wants to be loved.

"You don't need to love me to the sky, I just want you to love me the same"

So that day, even as he laughed during the video call birthday greeting and browsed through stolen shots taken during Getsunova's concert, he made the decision to do himself a favor and finally, finally let him go for real. He's made attempts before, of course. Contrary to belief, he's not entirely masochistic so he's started to distance himself little by little over the past few months. There are times though, when he just slips to old habits like censoring himself too late in shooting him loving glances. The evidences of his lapses plastered all over his social media feeds not even an hour later, reminding him of his failures.

No more of that though. He's made a promise last night, while he blew his makeshift 'candle' when the clock stroke midnight and he didn't even get a measly message. What did he expect, he can't even say. Not everyone is like him who wants to either be the first or the last to greet people he considers most important. In the end, it doesn't matter – it only added to his conviction. He's 25 years old, an adult mature enough to know when to surrender a lost fight. For the longest time, he's held on to his bias, unfairly putting the other man in a pedestal because of his own feelings. It's finally time to move on from that, to begin accepting other people into his life, and who knows, maybe even into his heart.

It was as if the Universe itself was giving him a sign because that very night, just as he was preparing to sleep after a physically and emotionally tiring day, he got a surprise message.

"You're not mad about the picture that I used in my story, right? I realized too late that it might have been too...intimate and personal."

"No, it's fine. Thanks for the birthday greeting, btw  :)"

"Haha, I thought for a minute I got you in trouble. Happy birthday again! Am I the last to greet you?"

"Technically, my birthday's over in here, so..."

"Good thing I'm in Bangkok and an hour behind. I'll take that as a win ;) Btw, when you get back, I have somewhere to show you..."

"???"

"It's a secret for now, but I promise, you're gonna love it. Trust me!"

"Hahaha, ok, I'll take your word for it. Hey, it's getting late and I have to do a shoot later, I've got to go now, ok?"

"It's a date then, Simba ;) Have a good rest, goodnight!"

That should have been the end of it, or rather the start of a new chapter. Of course, by now he should have expected for fate to throw him another curveball.

You know what's more tragic than unrequited love? It's when you finally start falling for the person who has loved you from the start, the exact same time the person you've always loved finally starts falling for you.

Then you're just fucked – like him.