The Addiction

The Addiction - Chapter 8 Prt 2

I barely found my voice. I held the device for what seemed like hours.

"Can I think about it?" I muttered faintly. My father once again sighs over the phone.

"... Amanda-"

"I swear I will call you back. I just need to... um think a little."

"Don't think too hard. You know what the right answer is."  And with that they cut the line, leaving me in a abyssal silence. I forced myself not to cry or feel sorry for myself. It hadn't work before to get what I wanted, which lead me to staying in their possession for 24 years. 

Now I find myself here, 4 days later sitting mutely on my bed, allowing time to go by as I stare at the intricate lines that decorated my white door. I push my hand through my scalp, a habit that I've picked up over the week. However, when I pull away, I almost yell in surprise. 

Strands of brown hair fall through my fingers, descending into spirals at the feet of my bed. I fervently graze through my hair again, and  4 pieces cling to my hand. I just stare as I let them topple to ground.

"No..." I say as I dig my nails into the long skirt of my dress. 

I've thought about it for a while now. If leaving was the best option, why do punishments keep manifesting around me? Why is my God so angry with me?

I begin to think about my parents and the familiarity of their home, the complete relief I had felt knowing that I had people there to guide me...

I sink my fingernails deeper in my thighs to elevate my mind from those thoughts. 

"No, no, you know what happens if you go back." 

"They'll... they'll keep you. Keep you like a doll..." I say, my voice hoarse from not using it for so long. I need a distraction. Anything to relieve myself of this stress. 

I push off my bed reluctantly and walk over to my bathroom, bathing my face in cold water. I take a few more cup fulls and splash it across my flushed skin, opening my eyes only to stare at myself in the mirror. 

My under eyes are puffy and unattractive. Certain parts of my skin are redder then others. I check my scalp for any bald spots but fortunately the strands that had fallen out earlier didn't do that much damage. I wipe away water residue with a towel before walking back into my bedroom, grabbing my phone. 

I restrain from checking my messages for the 10th time and instead search the internet for things to do on my own. I click the first website that shows up. 

Go to a park. I think about walking around, still getting engulfed with the stressful baggage that comes with choosing my brother and freedom above my parents. I scroll down. 

Go visit a friend and make plans. I scroll. 

Go to the movies. I'm not interested in seeing movies right now, especially in public by myself. I scroll more and more, skipping anything that requires me to have even a dismal of free time to think. I need to do something that I know will distract me. 

I continue scrolling. Take a nap. I can hardly sleep at night, nonetheless force myself to sleep in the day time.

I am just about to give up when I happen upon something. 

"Volunteer for an animal shelter." I read softly. I remember when I was younger I'd always ask my parents for a bird. They'd reject the idea, saying that animals are disgusting, and live off their owners. The more I think about it, the more the idea of volunteering entices me. 

Slowly, I exit out of the tab and instead type out animal shelter volunteering locations and opportunities  around Los Angeles. A few pop up around Madison Crest, but I wanted to find somewhere close to Jergen's Square so I wouldn't have to walk that far of a distance. It doesn't take long before I tap on a website called Long Lasting Bond: Animal Shelter Services. 

Volunteering hours are from 12-4 on Mondays through Thursdays. Four miniature black and white puppies with heads too big for their bodies take up the screen. I stare at them intently, somehow finding a little comfort in their cuteness. 

I think about my schedule around Chloe and how my participation in volunteering may clash with it. At 8 I have to start making breakfast. At 11, if the laundry's full, I have to clean her clothes in the washer, except for her satin garments, which then I will have to hand clean. 

At 3 I will start to make lunch, not to exclude all the errands Chloe might want me to complete. 

Last but not least, dinner around 8. And for Chloe, there's always snacks in between. I have to find a way to put volunteering in the middle of all that if I'm ever to succeed. 

I fall backwards in my bed, looking at time displaying on my phone. It's 7:30. 

I almost jolt forward as I hear a sharp knock on my door. 

"Oh, um, I'm coming!" I say, as I sprint towards the entrance. I twist the silver knob and pull, and the first thing I see are Chloe's green eyes. Surprisingly they're puffy. She sniffs, not looking at me. 

"Elize asked me for a DNA test for the baby. He didn't want to say why, but I knew what he meant." She curtly says. She rubs over her eyes fervently as I stand there, not knowing how to respond. For the love of me, how am I supposed to respond? It's already been 7 months and Elize didn't think to ask her for it once he'd find out? 

I mentally slap myself but I knew he had good intentions.

 "And he also put that bastard brother of his on the phone to get me to do it. How dare he? What the fuck is going on?" I nod, feeling like that's the only way to keep my mouth shut and comfort her at the same time. I still don't fully understand what she wants from me though. 

She shakes her head sharply, as tears again spill over her face. She lays against the wall and slides down onto the floor, caressing a troubled hand over her stomach bump. I reach my hands out to help her up but she refuses, burying her face in her arms. 

I stay there, quiet as I fold my arms in front of me. I suppose she's upset because Elize doesn't trust her, but why not get it done with? After a few moments, she raises her head reluctantly and stares at the floor. 

"Amanda, I need you to do me a favor." She says softly. I slightly nod, not sure if I'll like what comes out of her mouth next. 

"Elize... Elize is probably going to call you, about taking me to the doctor. I need you too..." She sighs, wiping another dainty hand over her eye. 

"I need you to say you will do it. But I'm not planning on going." 

I blink my eyes a few times, my arms involuntarily coming undone. What did she say?

"I'm sorry but what do you mea-"

"You know what I mean! God!" Her face heats from anger, but she quickly shakes her head, calming herself down. I swallow.

"I'm sorry... I'm just stressed, I need you to... lie. Say that you'll bring me to the Doctor's office, but don't do it. Okay?"

"I don't know if-"

"I know I've been an ass and I'm so sorry Amanda. Please, please I'm begging you." More salty tears roll down her cheeks.

"Don't take me there. I know you don't understand but I have too much... Its too much at risk, I just. Please, just lie. Please do this one thing for me." 

I don't know how to respond. I silently stare into her reddened emerald eyes, my mind racing with a manifold amount of questions. I want to turn around and walk away. I want to say no, that'll have nothing to do with her nonsense, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'd feel too terrible. 

I tare my gaze away from her distraught one and reluctantly nod. 

End of chapter! I'm sorry its been a while since I've posted. This chapter took a lot longer then it should've.