The Worst Weezer Fic Ever

Day 1

Dear Diary,

It was a beautiful day outside. Sunny, but with a breeze. Life was good, especially knowing that I was going to meet someone very special.

I patiently waited outside the large concrete building which held the cities largest movie theatre. Suddenly he arrived. A short but strong man with with messy hair and glasses. His style screams 90s dad who's trying really hard to be cool. We were ready for a secret moment only we would ever know about.

We finally found our seats to watch a re-run of a 2017 BTS concert, one of our favorite groups. I couldn't help but notice a foul smell as my date and I cuddled. It got worse; and noisier. My date excused himself and ran to the toilet promptly.

Things were going really well. I thought I was maybe... in love? I had to keep a token to remember him; but what? It was too hot for a jacket so all of his belongings were in his jort pockets. I had an idea. I ran to the bathroom and slid into a cabin next to his. He was visibly struggling to relieve himself so being inaudible wasn't too hard. I slipped my hand under the stall and got a ziplock bag full of that creamy precious gold.

The date ended; we exchanged numbers and parted ways. I immediately sat down in my car and devoured some of the contents of my baggie. The delectable ass-nectar was mine to enjoy.