I'm Happeir With You

{Chapter 4}

Dean watched about thirty minutes of tv before he heard his phone ringing. He jumped up and dug through his jacket pocket until he pulled out his phone and answered it.

"Hey Sammy, feeling better?" Dean asked. He could hear Sam blowing his nose.

"Yeah I just have a cough and a runny nose now. How's the hunt going?"

"Good, we found the nest in this old abandoned barn just a few miles out of town. It was a fairly easy hunt."

"That's good. How's Cas doing?" Dean paused for a second and thought about telling Sam what happened but he decided against it. If he told his brother he'd never hear the end of it.

"Uhh, yeah, he's doing ok." There was a pause over the phone and Dean thought maybe he had been caught lying but eventually Sam sneezed and went into a coughing fit.

"Sorry, its hard to talk sometimes." Sam chuckled a little bit which only made him cough more.

"Yeah, sounds like you need more sleep and we have a long ride ahead of us tomorrow so I should Probabaly go to bed too. Get to feeling better."

"Ok, night Dean." He hung up and sat back down on the couch. Castiel had been gone about an hour and Dean was starting to wonder where he went. He thought about going to look for him but he didn't know where to look. For all he knows he could be back in heaven.

He started to think about the almost kiss they had. What would have happened if he hadn't backing away. Would Castiel be here with him right now with his arm swung around him while they watched tv together. Would they hold each other all night. Maybe they would hold hands in the impala while Dean drives back to the bunker. What if they went on hunts together more. And what if he didn't have one night stands anymore because he has someone to love. He imagined all the things he wishes he could do with someone and Castiel was the only someone he wanted to do them with. Maybe a part of Dean was afraid of losing him but an even bigger part of him was afraid of never being with him.

About the time Dean was about to go looking for him even though it might take him half the night he heard the doorknob turning. Castiel walked in and looked over to where Dean was sitting.

"Where did you go? I was starting to think you left and went back to heaven." Castiel walked over to his bed and sat down.

"I walked all over town until I ended up back here." Dean stood up and walked over to his bed and sat down across from castiel.

"I'm sorry for pushing you to tell me I should have respected your wishes." Castiel was looking at his hands clasped in his lap. He looked so sad and dafeated. Dean already felt sorry for everything he has put him through in the past and now he has one more thing to add to the list. Unless he faced his fears and just told the truth for once.

"No, I'm the one that should be sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away like that. If I was in your shoes I would want answers too." Castiel looked up at Dean. He was trying to read Deans emotions but Dean didn't usually let them show. One thing Castiel knows about Dean is that he doesn't show his emotions to just anyone but right now he could see every emotion Dean was feeling. Just by looking at his face he could tell Dean was hurt, confused, tired and angry. It was amazing and terrifying to be able to read how Dean was feeling just like an open book but Dean was finally letting him see how he was feeling and Castiel couldn't look away. Castiels pretty sure Sam hasn't even had this privalige but a few times.

"Dean, if you don't want to talk its ok." Dean looked down and rubbed his hands together.

"No, you deserve an answer." He looked back up. "You and Sam are my family, your all I got." He looked back down at his hands. Castiel could tell this was hard for him. So He reached his hand out and rested it over Deans hands trying to comfort him. Dean jumped a little and then started to relax again before he continued.

"I have no allusions, I know how my life is, I know it can't end well for me, but I just wanted you to know that when I do picture myself happy." He looked up and Castiel could see tears forming in his eyes. "Its with you. I'm tired of lying. I care about you Cas and I don't want to hide it anymore." Castiel moved over to Deans bed and wrapped one arm around his back and the other he placed around Deans arm to pull him closer so that Dean was resting his whole side and his head on Castiel.

"I just don't want to lose you. It seems like everyone I love I lose." Dean said while turning his head so his nose was touching Castiels neck. Castiel felt a shiver go through his body at the touch. He turned his head so he was facing Dean.

"Your not going to lose me." Castiel said before moving his hands up to Deans face one hand stroking his cheek and the other pulling Dean closer to him closing the distance between them until their lips were brushing each other. It was soft at first like they were scared they might hurt the other person but soon it became filled with passion and need. Dean moved his hands around Castiels back to pull him even closer to him. Castiel sighed and deepend the kiss.  They took their time making every kiss better than the last. Slowly and softly kiss by kiss they became more comfortable with each other. The seconds went by slowly and at the same time way to fast. Dean let out a sigh when they parted. They pulled apart a few inches and just sat their taking in eachothers faces letting themselves look longer than either of them usually allowed themselves. The pain in Deans eyes was still there but Castiel could tell it had lessened. He wondered what would happen now that they no longer had to hid their feelings. Would Dean always be this open with him or would he fall back into his old ways of hiding his feelings even though Castiel could tell when something was wrong. He could always see Deans pain he just didnt want to scare him or jepradiz their friendship by asking him about it.

"What are we going to tell Sam?" Castiel asked.

"Lets not worry about that right now." Dean chuckled. He moved his hand over to Castiels and laced their fingers together. Dean decided he didn't care what the risks were he just wanted to be with Castiel even if it kills him.

     Even though Castiel didn't sleep he stayed with Dean wrapped up in his arms the rest of the night.

The End
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