Finding Us: The Apocalypse

The Realization

"Believing in yourself is the first step to life," Blood Brothers

"Do you know who i am, tell me please, who am i?", the boy asks through gritted teeth, his handsome face turned into a snarl, he cannot control the shaking of his arms and the sweat on his brow shows how tired he is, tired of the oppression. He points a gun to the dark hooded face of the pleading stranger. The stranger pleads with him to stop but he pulls the trigger, causing a dirty mess that he sadistically loves, then he cries lifting his head up and weeping to the unseen gods then suddenly he's alone.

Andres Gonzales is roused from his sleep shaking uncontrollably, sleep that does not come too often, he usually struggles to get some sleep if any at all, dreaming about all the monsters and stuff he could be. He looks at the greyed out walls of his room through the dim moonlight, then fumbling, checks the time and the dial lights up 2am and forcefully reaches for the glasses at his bed his vision coming to focus. He curses remembering he's been dreaming again but that dream was too real, a pang of anxiety hits him as he realises that he might be losing his mind.

A crushing reality hits him that he is in campus, he feels dead knowing how messed up his life has become, how often he's been on the brink of suicide and he shudders at that thought. "It's all shit," he mutters under his breath, and makes a mental note to take a break away from the campus or he might lose it all. Rushing to the bathroom mirror he looks back at a handsome youthful face and tousled green dyed hair,a disbelieving face confused with blue piercing eyes.

He looks up at that face and gazes deep into those eyes wondering what he has become, a comforting thought rushes across his mind but another cold desolate feeling soon replaces it. "come on boy, you know what you are", another thought rushes through his mind forcing him to his knees.

"I can't do this i'm a good person, i would never hurt anyone,"Andres reassures himself but he then realises that he is talking to himself. His father's voice rang through his ears, "talking to yourself again boy, that's the first sign," He pushes that out of his mind remembering his abusive deadbeat dad who he'd never had time for with regret, remembering that his dad was all family he knew and now he was gone forever.

The boy was running through the campus halls with his eyes full of terror and blinded by what he had seen. He couldn't believe it he clenched his eyes tight and tears came flowing down his cheeks, then realization hit him as hard as a hammer. "Could it be, do i really have powers," he had just seen himself do things, not explainable by science really. "Fuck this,"he mutters under his breath not wanting to believe. Meanwhile he was so absorbed in his thoughts that he failed to notice the dark shadow stooped low before him. It rose sharply and he was sinking down into darkness, losing control and losing himself, his world moving wildly out of focus.

His reality was fading fast, he struggled to breathe under his nightshirt and briefs, he would rather die than let anyone catch him looking like this. He could imagine the smirks on their faces seeing him wandering through campus at that hour like a lunatic. The boy was flailing, the darkness overcoming him fast, but then something happened , something so brief that no one could have noticed it, he rose up, his bare feet barely touching the ground and for a moment, he was flying. Then he fell down and collapsed finally falling to the embrace of the darkness. "I've given up," the words stung his mind biting hard knowing that all he had worked for was over, his dreams crushed.

Andres had worked hard to be the perfect model of normal, he did everything with a dislike but carefully masked it with faked passion. Deep down he knew that he was not normal, but who liked abnormal. Throughout his nineteen years he had always cared too much about how others perceived him and that led him on like a compass. But he could only fake it for too long, soon the flaws were showing, the vivid dreams that led him to the brink of insanity.

The boy kicks himself hard and curses, he had tried to fit in but he had nowhere to be, he fit to no society. He imagines those planned programmed lives with contempt and swears never to be one of them, he wishes not to be human, but if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.

Andres dragged himself to his room trying to block those dreams from his mind, his clothes drenched with perspiration and his breath sour. He cursed his life and wished that its was over but it wasn't, little did he know what awaited him, but man has no control over anything in life, its just a sad probability. The school was as quiet as ever, one could hear a pin drop in the growing silence, a neon sign was emblazoned with a stallion rearing on its hind legs with its neigh cutting across the sky with a black background all of which made up the university logo, The San Jose University. Campus was a hectic mess with people leaving and entering at every turn but today it was so eerily quiet.

Andres walked into his room at the modern campus hostels overlooking the bright city lights, he had no friends, people had always overlooked him, he couldn't fit in. He remembered how happy he was to join campus, how it had felt good, he had never felt so alive in his life, but now he hated it, he hated people with a deep passion but he couldn't stand anyone getting hurt. Having suffered so much at the hands of his abusive father, he hated seeing people hurt but he also hated people.

So absorbed in his thoughts, that he did not notice the figures.

The calm at the university deeply disturbed him, he felt alone, alone was all he wished for but not like this, the quietness was disturbing. There was no familiarity the high rise buildings suddenly looked unfamiliar, the ground was swirling his vision badly blurred, his knees gave in and he collapsed on his bedroom floor unable to move, his eyes looking under the bed where it was so cluttered, had someone drugged him, he tried to fight but he was slipping slowly into unconsciousness.

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