The Laws of Water

1. Sir With Bronchitis

Francis was a freckled little redhead who had no social life. He was a thirty-seven year old who lived with his mother, Dorothy. Every morning she would wake up at six and slowly tie the back of her peach colored apron into a ribbon. By the time he would wake up at six twenty his coffee would be on the table. He would pull up a stool and watch her bony hands as she made him a peanut butter sandwich with thinly sliced bananas. Every. Single. Day.

He took the bus to work every morning at precisely six forty-seven and by seven twenty-five he would arrive at the front door of Merlingale Plaza, where he worked.

Francis never smoked a cigarette, had a beer, or gone beyond second base but thank God for all that because it meant he spent every waking moment building the KAM; a machine that everyone thought was completely useless. A machine which, now, turned out to be the saving grace of a few million people on earth.

As soon as The Tsunami began sinking whole countries under water, Francis realized he was about to become a millionaire. The first thought that followed his realization was a devastating concern that his mother might ask him to hire someone else to make him his breakfast.

He felt an unfamiliar shiver crawl up his spine as he toyed with the idea of having to stare at a young lady he does not know invading his kitchen every morning. He pictured her by the granite surface wearing a black and white maid outfit, attempting to slice the bananas at the same angle and with an equal lack of precision as his mother does. A task he was certain could not be fulfilled so gracefully by any other human on Earth.

"Francis, please explain Congress how the machine works."

Albert pushed up his spectacles using his index finger and then used the same finger to indicate to Francis the mic by the podium. Francis hurried to the mic and adjusted his puce bowtie. Someone in the audience coughed but when you have a low self esteem and a high stage fright like Francis does, a cough might make you feel like you were being mocked. Francis couldn't have been more insulted. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Shake it off Francis, he's just a big bully. He thought to himself.

Probably doesn't even know how to calculate a square root. That built his confidence back. Francis straightened his posture and began lecturing a room of House representatives.

"KAM stands for Kinetic-Aquatic-Monitor, which is a fancy, very umm fancy name for my machine... a machine, it's almost not mine because I'm selling it now to, umm, America?"

The House was listening attentively but the man who coughed struck again. Francis lost it.

"For the love of Odin, if you're so displeased with my work than excuse yourself from the room!"

The man who coughed raised a baffled eyebrow at Francis and remained in his seat. He was not, in fact, displeased at all by the lecture or by Francis or by the idea of the KAM.

Realizing he just yelled at some important politician person, Francis took a step back. What if he is going to be president one day and then he will have me kicked out of America. Or what if he is really just sick and I just made fun of him for it, what if I am the bully? What if he is dying of lung cancer? Or just has bronchitis?

Francis felt a bit less intimidated and gathered enough courage to carry on.

"So as I was saying, the KAM measures movement of living organisms in water, but more specifically it records the contact of water with human skin and displays it as a 3D image."

A blue hue emanated from the screens behind him as the presentation he had prepared for this occasion was displayed. The outline of a three dimensional male figure was shown. Francis went on.

"Let us take this man," he pointed at the outlined figure on the screen "say his name is... perhaps he seems a bit like a Frank."

"Frank!" he suddenly exclaimed and giggled awkwardly at the thought "Frank" has the same first three letters as "Francis". His audience did not seem to get the joke.

"Nevermind, so as you can see Frank's body is fully blue which means he is fully dry."

The next slide pushed the old one away and suddenly Frank's feet all the way up to his knees were completely red.

"Now this image would normally mean Frank is standing in a body of water which reaches up to his knees."

The audience appeared captivated by this simplest of explanations.

Francis fidgited with his fingers behind his back. While he couldn't stop thinking about what to do with his hands, dozens of representatives thought about how they were about to make history.

"Fully red would mean the person is fully submerged in water, etc. That is all, very simple. Simple enough. The radar reaches all the way to Europe and stops getting accurate reads around India. No internet or network necessary. Just electricity. And some science stuff but I already did the science stuff so you, you just need electricity. Simple thing really."

He couldn't think of anything else to say that did not include highly technical words, which he was specifically instructed by a very beautiful lady not to say just before he went on stage. In actual fact her exact words were "Explain like they're five." She was really very pretty and he did not want to let her down.

"Any questions?"

The man who coughed raised his hand.

"Yes, please, sir with the bronchitis, what is your question?"

"Why are the water spots red and the dry spots blue, shouldn't it be the opposite?"

Francis sighed and rolled his eyes.

I knew this guy had it out for me. Never second-guess yourself Francis!

"Any other questions?"