Irredeemably Me

"I am trying to keep you safe, angel."

"We should talk about what happened last night." Because the very last thing Camila wanted was for them to sweep the moment under the rug as if it meant nothing. It didn't mean nothing, it couldn't.

Not when it was evidence that Lauren cared.

Not when she had wanted it as much as the vampire had.

"Then talk." Lauren perched herself on the kitchen bench and leaned forward, her eyes playful in that way that always irked Camila a little.

It told the brunette that the vampire wouldn't be taking the conversation seriously.

"We nearly kissed."

"I am no stranger to a kiss." Lauren shrugged.

"But it's us." Camila countered. "We're not...like that."

"You don't want to kiss me?" The green-eyed girl quirked a brow. "I was almost sure that was not the case last night."

"Stop making this a joke!" Camila groaned. "Just...okay, why would you want to kiss me?"

"Because you're beautiful." The vampire surprised the younger girl with the statement without so much as giving it a second's thought.

"I-"

"Because I enjoy the small moment where we do not wish to rip one another's heads off." The older girl shrugged. "Because I care for you. Because you care for me. Because I could die this very night and I would do so with one regret."

The brunette held the vampire's eyes for a moment, seeing the truth shining in them but also seeing the amusement Lauren found in her internal struggle with what she'd just heard. Her mind was floundering around trying to create a sense of understanding as to why Lauren would say those things. As to why she believed them.

"Kissing you would have to mean more." Camila hopped up onto the kitchen bench parallel to the vampire. "It would...start something and I'm not sure you want that."

"I do not." Lauren nodded in agreement. "And my reasoning is simple; I do not want to fall in love, Camila. I shall accept my humanity as it comes but I shall not accept that aspect of it. So yes, I wish to kiss you, I wish to do much more...but I will not." She jumped down from her spot and stood right before the brunette. "That is why I was relieved when we were interrupted, disappointed yes, but relieved nevertheless."

"You think you could fall in love with me."

"With ease," Lauren scoffed, running a hand through her hair. "But I shall not. I refuse it. I believe I will die before I allow myself to make that mistake once more."

"Because of Keana."

"Indeed."

"But I'm not Keana, Lauren." Camila threw her hands in the air. "You wanted forever with her and she said no. Newsflash, I don't get a choice in that. I'm pretty sure I'm well and truly blessed with the gift of eternity."

"That's unconfirmed. You may not be able to die, but that does not mean age will not one day take you."

"So you're sparing your heart but to hell with mine, right?" The brunette scoffed, slipping off the bench and pushing past the vampire. "You know, it's so typical of you to just look out for yourself. From the start you said you'd only watch out for me if I made sure to protect you in return, I guess nothing's changed."

And before she could react, the vampire had her pinned to the wall, gripping her jaw until their eyes were forced to meet.

"It is almost sad how wrong you are," Lauren spoke softly, her eyes hard and her words stern. "You think I find it easy to resist this urge to take you right against this wall?" She dipped her head until her nose was brushing against the base of Camila's neck, inhaling deeply as she trailed it up only to pull away and meet the girl's eyes once more. "You think I enjoy knowing you want the same thing and being unable to do what we both wish I would?" Her hand travelled from the girl's jaw until she was simply cupping Camila's cheek. "With any other creature, I would not take a second think through my actions, I would simply do as I please but I will not with you. You are strong, Camila, but every creature has a weakness and I cannot give you my heart simply to watch you die and I will offer you that same courtesy in return. The life we now lead guarantees that one of us will breathe our last breath within the year and I pray it's me, for I no longer want to live in a world that does not include you. But I will not take your heart with me when I leave." Lauren leaned in closer, her forehead coming to rest on the brunette's. "I am trying to keep you safe, angel."