The Curves Ahead - Wattpad Award Winner

Chapter 25

On the steps of the station building, I gripped the cool metal of the railing. My heart was racing along unevenly and I needed a few deep breaths to regroup.

"Evianna," said Matt, his warm fingers curled around my elbow, "we don't have to do this today. You can always wait another week or two before you come back."

I shook my head, determination welling. "No. It's time."

It had been another month and I was in a good place. I still followed my daily routines; swimming, yoga, food, therapy. Dr Ruth was a serene woman who looked like a librarian and who had been filling me with coping methods and sensible advice. I was healing.

There were still bad days. Being in a car left me feeling shaky and panicked, and once I'd been in the supermarket when a Spice Girls' song had started playing, sending me into a weeping fit in front of a salad dressing stand at the vivid flashback memory of Heather and me singing 'Stop Right Now' in the Byron Bay Hotel. I cried a little every few days, but not with the consuming grief that had gripped me earlier.

Matt was still there, every step of the way. He'd been my cheer squad and support crew, eternally patient and giving. He hadn't pushed me on furthering our relationship, innately knowing that I'd be ready at some stage.

I was glad he had so much faith in my ability to judge my readiness; I wasn't so sure. A thousand times I'd mused, How do I know when I'm truly ready to be with him? What if I jump in too soon and we have a relationship based on grief rather than love? What if I fall back into my old patterns of inferiority?

If I was going to be with Matt, I wanted it to be based on equality and true feelings. My biggest problem over the last few weeks had been holding myself back. I'd heard that grief could sometimes manifest as libido, and I worried that was the reason I struggled to keep my hands to myself whenever I was near him.

It didn't help that he was super-tactile too. Even just the act of cupping my elbow while I stood on the steps was sending streaks of hot pleasure racing up my arm. I found myself turning into the circle of his arms, splaying my fingers against his chest. "I promise, this is as ready as I'll ever be to get back into work. Plus, I have all these ideas to pitch to Robbo, reports to really help people."

"Okay, beautiful," he said, shivering slightly as I traced the lines on his shirt with my fingertips. "Let's do it."

"What? Right here?" I quipped, winking flirtatiously. Kidding, not kidding. My lips parted slightly as I drew in a lungful of his scent, which only threw more fuel on my flaming hormones.

Before I let myself kiss Matt fair on his tempting mouth, I drew back and looped my arm through his. "Come on, Co-host. Time to go to work."

We walked into the building, but the goose-bumps along my collarbones and neck refused to dissipate. It wasn't just about needing sex; I wanted more with Matt, wanted desperately to pull us both out of the friendship trap we'd stumbled into.

There was a vase filled with glowing scarlet lilies on the reception desk beside the elevators. I was beginning to believe less and less in coincidence as the brilliant colour threw Heather back into the forefront of my thoughts. Heather, I wish you were here. You'd tell me if I was being smart by waiting or self-destructive.

As if she spoke inside my head, her clear voice rang laughingly through my reverie. When you're ready, you'll know. Stop overthinking it!

I hope so. I squeezed Matt's arm a little harder as we rode up to the Jump Start floor.