A Work of Art (a Chris Brown Love Story)

07: Speaking From Fear

Luna Livingston

   "You didn't have to do this." I reiterated to Chris as he led me outside. I'd told him multiple times already that Mother was going to be fine, and that Kendall and I were going to help with her bills, but he insisted he help. After realizing he wasn't going to take the money back, I tried to return back to work, but he told me to follow him outside. 

"We're leaving? What about work? And Ella?" I asked as we approached my car. He chuckled. "Didn't she tell you this wasn't a job that requires face to face 24/7? You can get some work done from home if you feel it'll help, now come on." 

"How unprofessional." I laughed, unlocking the door and getting in the driver's seat. "Where to?" He plugged up his phone to the aux cord and opened the Pandora app. A commercial immediately began to play.

"Just drive, I'll tell you when to turn and stuff." He said, concentrating on finding a station. I backed out of the parking lot and headed down the road. "So, there's nothing playing on this app and I know you don't want to hear anything I have personally, so, I guess we'll talk." I cocked an eyebrow. "About?"

"Turn left. And about the fact that you almost kissed me in the elevator." I felt my cheeks turn a bright red. "W-what?" I stammered. "I did not."

I felt his face staring a hole into mine. "It's okay, I wanted to kiss you too." I immediately pressed on the brakes as I stopped in the middle of the highway. I was stuck in traffic and my palms were now sweaty. "Really?" I saw him nod from my peripheral vision. "Oh."

    I honestly didn't know what to say. What could I say? To do it? But I was driving.. He chuckled softly once more. "I think there's no denying that we are still attracted to each other and if you'll have me, I just want to take things slow with you."

I found myself shaking my head. "What? No." I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. Of course I wanted to be with him, but just because I wanted to, didn't mean that I could and just because you want something or someone doesn't make that something or someone good for you. "There's so many factors in this now. What, you think that because you paid for Ma's chemo that you can just buy me?" 

"What, Luna? Of course not. And I didn't say come marry me tomorrow, or to even be with me, but I think we could start by at least admitting that there's still something in between the both of us. Get off on this exit coming up by the way." "Of course there's still something! We used to be engaged, Christopher! We lived together, I was pregnant. But, that was many moons ago. I'm a totally different woman, as I assume you're a totally different man now. We don't know each other anymore to love one another right now."

"Key word being process. It's a process, I have no idea waiting and getting to know the new and improved Luna." I shook my head, getting off on the next exit as he instructed. This man was obviously crazy. Attraction and love aside, there had been so much that happened between the years  that we'd been apart, including the birth of his whole human daughter and all the stress I was under about my parents. Not to mention, I was battling depression and I just didn't want to throw that off on him. 

"Look, Chris, Of course I care about you, you were such a vital part of my life. And things have been great lately between us. I've felt a little better, you've helped my mom, you've been great to talk to.. but, things take time. For instance, right now we can plan a whole future together and once you go home and see your daughter, what would go through your head? How would you manage the both of us and your career? Think with your head and not your heart, please." I paused and looked over at him, just to see him staring straight ahead with his arms folded. "Just turn right, Luna."