A Work of Art (a Chris Brown Love Story)

09: Guard Your Heart

Luna Livingston

     "What's this one?" I pointed to a character in Chris' makeshift comic book in awe. It was around 11 at night and we were still up, cuddling and looking through his drawings. 

I had no idea why or how we ended up kissing, but I was okay. I think? The feeling was so conflicting. I felt as if on one hand, I didn't deserve this second chance with Chris. However, I also felt angry for him deciding that while I was processing my feelings, it was okay for him to sleep with someone else, unprotected. I just couldn't help thinking if this was me, with a whole child, would he accept? Would he want to move forward?

I shook my feelings off and looked up at him. "It's a take on Thor, the most powerful avenger. In my head, he's black, with short blonde hair." I chuckled. "So, he's you?" He shrugged. "Maybe." 

He stared at me for a second or two. "What's on your mind? I can feel you thinking, if that makes sense." 

I sighed and dropped my head. "I wanna do this with you, I want to try again.."

"But?"

"But, I can't help but think, if it was me, would you want to try again?" I bit my lip, awaiting his response. I heard silence a little while before he spoke up. "Y-y-yeah." He stuttered. "Women like you come every thousand years, Luna. I know other men would love to have a chance with you. I just happen to be selfish, but I can't help it. You're my soulmate. I have a 7 am flight and here I am with you, discussing our future and a comic strip. I wouldn't do that with anyone else. Regardless of if it's you and your child, I'll always love the opportunity to be around you."

I smiled and leaned in to kiss his perfect lips. "Thanks."

Somehow the reassurance he gave me was all I really needed. Hopefully things between us would be stronger this time around, and they actually worked out. 

          "They don't have cable in these chemo rooms?" I asked Mo, furiously clicking on the remote. It kept scrolling through different vacant lots around the city, but no shows or movies. Just lots. She snickered and shook her head. "No, but that's why I brought my Mp3-player. I usually listen to some uplifting music, but you're here so I guess I'll talk to you." She eyed me and I laughed. 

It'd been a week and a half since Chris left for his mini-tour and we talked everyday through Facetime and text. I missed him, but I was using this time apart to focus on my writing, especially with this article about Mrs. Winston and Penguin Publishing. I also was using the time to spend priceless moments with Mom, whether that was going to her chemo sessions with her, or going out with her and Kendall to lunch. I'd finally started showing up for my shifts at Tumbling Tots, even if that meant slacking off on my PR work for Chris. He'd been good so far, so it wasn't like I was missing anything. 

Tumbling Tots was actually a pretty cool job. The kids weren't exceptionally bad and it actually allowed me to get closer to Royalty. To know the little girl, was to love her. Regardless of how or when she was conceived, she was such a burst of light and positive energy. She also had a smile that could light up a room. She was always dropped off by a remotely skinny woman who wore big black glasses. I figured it couldn't be her mom because I figured Chris had some sort of a type. I made a mental note to ask him if he knew the woman. 

    "So, how have you been? I haven't spoken with you since the other day. Anything interesting to share?" She asked me. She had only been to one other chemo appointment, but yet, I already felt as if she was getting healthier. "I've been good. Better than good actually, I've been great." I smiled cheekily. She eyed me again as I nodded my head. "I've been talking to Chris again." I couldn't help my smile.

"It's been a while since I've seen you smile like that. He's been helping you with your depression?" I nodded. "Yes. We pray every morning and night together. He talks me through my breakdowns, I'm getting better, I feel it, Mom." I looked over at her, but her face did not match mine. "Just guard your heart, Luna. I don't want something to happen and you wind up worse than before because of a man. A man you love yes, but a man nonetheless. I want you to beat your depression for you, not for a man, please?" I didn't respond. 

I know she was just looking out for me, but still. I couldn't help feeling better when I was with and around him. I know I needed to be a better person for myself, but I just couldn't help it. He made me a better me. "But, he inspired this article about Mrs. Winston, he.." She raised her hand. "I don't doubt that he loves you, I'm just saying, be careful, please?" I sighed and took her hand in mine. "I promise, Mom." She smiled and sat back in the recliner. "So you decided to take on journalism full time?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Ever since I started really taking my shifts at Tumbling Tots, I decided I may want to do something involving around kids? I don't know, Chris draws these comic book characters and I narrated him, maybe we could do our own comic or something." 

She didn't respond. "Mom?" "There it is again, Chris, Chris, Chris. What do you want to do, Luna? What does Luna want in life? You have and you need your own identity outside of Chris, it's only healthy." I thought for a moment. What did I want? For a while, I didn't know. I didn't even know I liked kids until I started working at the daycare. I didn't know I still had feelings for Chris until I started being around him once again. "I don't know. I really don't seem to know what I want until it hits me." She nodded her head. "Yes, that's the thing. When it hits you, you'll know it."