Insecurities: friend or foe?
The answer to this, I'll never know.
As I lay awake, I think of you
And all the things you make me do.Enjoying life and having fun
Takes away the mental gun.
I point at my head, ready to fire.
There it is burning, this awful desire.Laying awake when I usually sleep,
Wanting to cut and leave it deep.
Hating myself, both mind and body
Forcing myself to feel so groggy.All I want is reassurance,
Without me asking with reoccurrence.
I think of you and all we've done,
Yet can't help wonder: how long 'til I'm shunned?
Shunned from myself for my selfish desire.
Shunned from you; deserved friendly fire.Though I know it's all in my head,
I can't help but feel like wanting to be dead.
I don't want to be here, not here, not now.
Always by myself wondering how:
How could I let myself become this?
How could I ever re-enact what I miss?
How can I see myself in the mirror
Without wanting my body to become clearer.
All I see is an image fogged.
All I see is myself, a frog.I never tell you this, it's my own little secret.
You never ask, so you won't have to keep it.
I see you and wonder why you put up with me
When I'm fucked in the head while you're full of glee.I always wonder how long you'll take to leave.
Just how long until you finally see:
See me as I am: a stupid bitch.
See what I am: a scratch with no itch.I want to hate you for never knowing,
But I can't because I know I never bothered showing.
Keeping it here locked deep inside,
I hold it close like a precious prize.
I do not want others to see
My hidden insecurities.•••
YOU ARE READING
Miscellanea
De TodoA compilation of poems and short stories. ------- Warning: mentions of triggering subjects such as self harm and death